Origin
by Ashii Black
Summary: Oh, of course you do. Whenever someone wants something, directly or indirectly, there's greed. The origin of greed...is love. Its when you love something, you begin to crave it. You're no different. You're only human." Slash, SBSS, SBRL pairings
1. Imaginary

Origin

"You hold the answer deep within your own mind. Consciously, you've forgotten it. That's the way the human mind works. When something is too unpleasant or shameful for us to…entertain, we reject it, and erase it from our memory. But the imprint is always there."

-Understanding (Wash it All Away)

Quick beginning N/A: AHHHH!!! Ashii Black is back with a "Sequel" to Whisper! And guess what? You don't need to have read Whisper (though I would love it if you did)! And Whisper isn't finished! Okay, so here are the rules:

Every time I write a chapter, there will be a theme/song to each chapter, and the song name will be the chapter title.

They WILL be out of order.

The song lyrics and titles are from Evanescence's third CD, entitled, "Origin" (thus the title). It was released in 2000, NOT the 2003 edition with 19 tracks!!!

The reason you have no need to read Whisper is because Harry and Draco don't EXIST. Yet. This fic is in Marauder's Days, and Harry might not even be a thought. So pairings: Sirius/Remus, Sirius/Severus, and hell, let's throw in James/Lily. When I first started this, I thought Sirius would have a VERY specific pairing, but he didn't, so yeah…it turned into this Drama Angsty thing…So in other words, you'll understand what happens. Just read!

Summary: There are deaths in the end! Yay for Ashii's nonstop record of SOMEONE dying in her serious fics! I actually wrote TWO alternate endings for this fic, and both will be up once I edit them nicely. So this IS a Romance/Drama fic, so PLEASE forgive me for the crappy angst. There's a love triangle between Remus, Sirius, and Severus. I wrote a bunch of it to expand on Peter and the Death Eaters…And no, I do not believe that "someone" is really crazy, I just wrote it to see him get out of his schoolboy side. Anyways…It's a love thing…I freaking wrote angsty fluff…

Disclaimer: What's my name again? J…K…Ashii…Rowling…Black…J.K Black? No…wait…Ashii Black! Yeah, that's right! Anyways, Ashii Black and J.K. Rowling have nothing in common. You guys see any of the same ideas or similarities in here? Well, we both love Harry Potter and writing and-But I'm not her. I don't own Harry Potter, I only own my ideas and my mad love for the Harry Potter Books. Oh yeah, and my full support to Peter Pettigrew. PPFC FOREVER! (Peter Pettigrew Fan Club)

On with the fic!

Ashii Black

P.S. Special thanks to Chrissy or BlackCat9 for betaing this fic…also to the other Chrissy (ORLANDO BLOOM LOOKALIKE, I SWEAR!) and Koku (Child of the Dragon) for reading it before I put it up here!

Chapter 1: Imaginary 

Severus Snape was in the middle of a nice nap on the Hogwarts train, but was woken up, because he heard a loud THUD on the wall in the room next to him, and a quiet, but pleading yelp. He sighed and looked at himself in the reflection on the window.

Black eyes, pale, clammy skin, and greasy hair. He was in his 6th Year, and decided that this year was time for a change. Never again would that James Potter spin him in mid-air. Never again would Lily Evans scream at the two to stop fighting. No, this time, he would come off better.

Another yelp and thud sounded, so he got up, opened the door, and entered the dark room with his wand out. "Who's in here?" he demanded.

A seventh year Ravenclaw stood up from behind the seat. She looked very wild, and was licking her lips. From under her, a handsome black haired boy grunted and pushed the girl off. She let out a shriek as she fell. "Sasha, I'm not interested. Don't ever try that again."

Severus burst out laughing and said, "How many times have you been raped, Black?"

"At least I **have** girls who want me." Sirius Black replied, sorting out his robes and sitting up. The girl names Sash sent a curse at him, but Severus blocked it instinctively. He sent the curse back at her, and she began to drool tremendously. Severus laughed and walked out, Sirius trailing behind him.

"You helped me." Sirius said as they sat down.

"I didn't mean to. It was instinct." Severus answered, refusing to look at Sirius.

"No, not the curse. You came in there, but you didn't cheer her on. You know how much I hate it when girls think I'd take advantage of it. Why did you stop her?"

"I didn't want you getting caught. Plus, now I've got dirt on you. And you'd better do what I say."

"Shove it up your ass." Sirius replied, stretching out across the seat. "Plus, if you don't remember, I've got some pretty good dirt on you, too."

To keep off of THAT topic, Severus asked, "Where's your little group?"

Sirius frowned. "Well, Remus is a prefect. And James is sneaking into the meeting to – never mind. And Peter…I don't know."

"Who cares?"

"I do." He said, glaring at Severus.

"Well, why aren't you with your other little Griffindor friends?"

"I'm going to turn that question around: Where are your cult members?"

"Probably off exchanging spells and getting high."

"What fun."

"That's what I said. And look where I am." Severus said.

"I noticed. You're not with them."

There was an awkward silence. "How long have we been doing this?" Severus asked.

"Talking in here?"

"Running into each other and talking…in general. Remember last year?"

"Well, I guess it started when I saved you from drowning."

Severus looked down, embarrassed. "Yes. We talked for about 3 hours, didn't we?"

Sirius smiled. "Yeah, we did. You haven't told anyone about anything, have you?"

"Of course not! You think I'm an idiot?" Severus exclaimed, and then got suspicious. "What about you?"

"I have been tempted, but each time, I chicken out. I just can't bring myself to admit that I-"

"You what?" Severus asked.

Sirius smiled. "I missed you this summer, you know. And I guess I really like talking to you." He said and the two leaned forward.

Severus felt their lips touch, and then –

"Padfoot? Are you in there?"

Sirius sprang away, and carefully opened the door. "Prongs!" he exclaimed, turned, gave Severus a strange look, and walked off with James Potter.

Severus gave a loud sigh and slammed the door shut.

"Hey Padfoot, why were you all alone?" James asked, ruffing his already-messy black hair. "Cuz I **know **I told you to stop touching yourself and to get yourself a girl."

Sirius laughed. "Well, Sasha tried to be that girl today…However, I'm not interested."

"No!" James exclaimed. "My god, you've got 7 girls to choose from, and you don't like any of them?"

"I'm not interested. Those girls are just too- wild."

"Not to mention they're sluts." James said.

"That too." Sirius added thoughtfully.

"Hey you two!" Remus Lupin ran up to him.

Sirius looked at the sandy haired boy. He had tanner skin now, and held a new smile. "Hey Moony!"

"We were just talking about Sirius' fan club." James said.

"Moony, you cut your hair." Sirius commented, talking about Remus' now short hair.

"My mom did it. She told me I didn't look proper anymore."

"Remus J. Lupin is proper?" James asked incredulously.

"So, speaking of some properness, are we going to break into the old magic shop in Hogsmeade this month?" James asked, looking at the two.

"Breaking in?" Remus widened his eyes.

"Are we ready enough for something like that?" Sirius asked. "Those things have GOT to have anti-theft curses on them."

"We can disarm them. We've got Wormtail, and he's tine enough to – well, he's tiny." James said.

"I'm what?" piped up a voice.

"Hey Wormtail, old pal. We're discussing this month's plan." James said, smiling.

"Plan?" Another voice asked behind them. "For what, might I ask?"

"How to get you to go on a date with me." James said, leaning casually against the wall and messing his hair up.

Lily Evans rolled her green eyes. "Only in your dreams."

"You bet." James grinned. "So, how about we make those dreams real and you take a night's stroll with me tomorrow at 7? I'll meet you in front of the Fat Lady."

Lily tutted. "Dreams don't come true, Potter."

"Some do." Sirius put in, looking at Peter and Remus for help with encouragement.

"Oh yes, most of my dreams come true." Remus said with a fake smile.

"Hey! So do mine!" Peter nodded at Lily.

James looked at the boys disdainfully. "Sirius, you've got girls raping you, Moony, you've got O's on every graded piece of work you've ever written, and Peter, you get orgasms quickly. Your dreams are not helping mine."

Peter looking slightly offended, ad Lily actually let out a giggle before saying, "That's 5 points off of Griffindor!" she scolded, and walked away.

James slumped into a compartment. "You three have no idea how hard it is to have a girlfriend that uptight."

"Prongs, since when was she your 'girl'?" Remus asked.

"Since first year. She just doesn't' know it yet." James answered.

"In his dreams." Sirius and another voice said.

They looked to the door and saw Severus. "Ah, excellent. Fresh bait. What shall we do this time, Snivelly?" James grinned.

Severus pulled out his wand. Remus sighed and opened a book, and looked rather bored. Peter jumped up and down excitedly. James was grinning with his wand out, and Sirius also had his wand out, but with a guilty face.

"I'd put that wand away Potter." Severus hissed with a look of loathing. This time WOULD be different. He was going to fight James Potter and come off with the victory.

"Well, if you say so. _Accio_!" James said, and Severus' wand flew out of his hand. "_Winguardium Leviosa_!"

Severus flew up and James started spinning him quickly. "C'mon, Padfoot! Help me out over here."

"What do you need me to do, Prongs? You look like you have got everything under control." Sirius said painfully as he watched Severus' face confronted in agony (and embarrassment) as he spun.

"Gee, are you in a bad mood today or something?" James asked, dropping Severus like a fly. He then proceeded to spin him around on the ground. Peter giggled, and Remus yawned. No one was going to help.

"James. Stop. Please." Sirius said painfully.

"Stop? What's wrong?" he stopped spinning Severus and gave his full attention to Sirius.

"Its just…I don't know. Old. Plus, we can beat him up any time…we could just wait until we're in public."

James looked almost offended, but that time gave Severus a chance to dive for his wand, yell out a curse, which hit Peter to give him warts, and scamper off.

Remus quickly did the counter curse for Peter. James slumped into his seat, and Sirius did the same. Both boys were silent.

"I'm going to go change." Remus announced and walked out of the tense room.

Severus was pissed. He had wanted so badly to run back and beat the shit out of James. But he wouldn't. He was scared that Sirius had actually helped him this time. And after what had happened in the compartment, he was very confused.

"Snape!" called a voice.

He turned around and saw Remus. "What do you want?" Severus asked in disgust.

"I'm sorry about what happened back there. But I also wanted to say that I know something is going on with you and Sirius."

"Black and I, friends?" Severus sneered.

"I don't know what goes through your mind. But whatever it is, keep away. Not just for your embarrassment, but to save you and Sirius' neck. If James finds out – "

"Finds out what?" he asked threateningly.

Remus went on, unmoved by Severus' words. "If James finds out that you and Sirius are friends, he will and would kill you."

Severus was silent.

"Look, I don't know why you two are suddenly buddying up, but it's NOT safe." Remus added.

"You are telling me what's safe?" he asked.

"I'm telling you that you should watch your back." Remus said coldly.

"I can take him." Severus replied.

"Like you did just now?" Remus asked with a slight sneer.

"I just know I can beat him." Severus replied. "That is, IF he thinks I'm doing anything unusual. Which I'm not, you great prat."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Well, good luck and don't say I –"

"If you say that you didn't warn me, I'll hit you. I don't need a wand for that."

"Fine. Good luck." Remus said, and walked back to the compartment.

Severus then did the only thing he could do: he went to join the Slytherins.

They were sitting in a dark compartment, clearly smoking something and chanting. When they saw Severus, one spoke up. "Hey Sev, where have you been?"

"Looking for a damned teacher on here."

"Ooh, pretty boy Snape strikes again Bellatrix Black cried out. A few boys laughed.

His eyes turned to Bellatrix. She had long brown hair she cherished, dark eyes, and a body that turned any eye. "Actually, I found good grounds on how to take out Potter this year." Severus replied.

A younger boy with sandy hair and a childish face replied, "We were just discussing what we were going to do wit this." He held up a huge bag of what Severus assumed to be drugs (_the name will not be given in this fic, it can safely be assumed that it is a wizard drug. However, it is MUCH like marijuana_.).

"Are we going to sell if and get a profit?" he asked as he took what looked to be a cigarette (_More wizard drugs with no name_), and lit the end with his wand. He took in a puff and sat down.

"How about not?" Bellatrix asked. "I think I like this stuff."

"Bella, we can always get more…and for a lot cheaper." Regulus Black said, grinning.

Like the Black family, he had inherited good looks. He was nearly a look-alike of Sirius, only his hair was cut incredibly short, and he didn't take very good care of himself. The strangest part about him was his eyes. Rather than having Sirius' dark eyes that made him all the more charming, he had dark eyes that just seemed hollow. His face held nearly no emotion at all.

Bellatrix sighed. "You're always so unreasonable."

"No, I'm just sensible." Regulus replied.

"Quit bickering." Severus ordered. "Really, it gets rather annoying. Can't we get high in peace?" he asked.

"No one asked you, Sev. You're the one who's always trying to get certain people expelled." Replied another person, who had a thick neck, and a unibrow.

"In an angry mood, Goyle?" Severus asked rather loudly.

"So what if I am? At least I'm not thick enough to let the happiness of the _Quartet_ ruin my day." Goyle said nastily.

"Are you calling me a wimp?" he asked, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth and pulling out his wand.

"Boys, boys, can't we enjoy our ride here without the fighting?" Bellatrix asked.

Goyle was silent, and then sat back, taking in a deep puff.

"I know some Ravenclaws who wouldn't mind some of this stuff." Crouch suggested to Bellatrix.

"That's right, you are Goody School boy." Regulus said nastily.

As the group kept arguing, Severus went into his own thoughts.

Where was he and Sirius' "relationship" going? Sirius always seemed very sincere when they spoke. Sure, they joked around, but they were always just having fun…right?

He thought about what he had heard Sirius saying to help James with Lily problems. "Some dreams do come true."

He wondered for a moment just WHAT Sirius' dreams were. Then, he got a hold of himself and started coughing on the bad puff he had just taken.

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming

Cannot cease, for the fear of silent nights

Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming

The Goddess of Imaginary Light

In my field of paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullaby

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me

I linger in the doorway of alarm clocks screaming monsters calling my name

Let me stay

Where the wind will whisper to me

Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story

If you need to leave the world you live in

Lay your head down and stay awhile.

Though you may not remember dreaming,

Something waits for you to breathe again.

(Flowers….)

In my field, the paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullaby

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me.

………………..

N/A: Ah, excellent. I've got my first chapter up. This is a shorter fic, so overall on paper, its about 130-140 pages or so.

**Love ya!**

**And ON WITH THE FIC!**

**Ashii Black**


	2. Whisper

-Chapter 2: Whisper

YAY! Chapter Two!! Soooâ€special thanks to both Chrissys for betaing this fic! Special thanks to my reviewers, hope to get more of those, and ON WITH THE FIC!

It was December. Sirius and Severus had several more "personal" encounters, but each time, someone distracted them before they could really talk about what this meant.

The Marauders had started a new task that they couldn't really practice in the Shrieking Shack (it would be too noticeable if they kept disappearing off grounds every night), so instead, they used a room that the house elves called the Room of Requirement. They were trying to figure out how to get Remus to be able to turn in and out of a werewolfâ€at will.

This required sacrifices on Sirius and James' parts, as they were strong enough to hold Remus back, if indeed, they did trigger his inner-wolf to come out, and in many trials, they were successful.

Remus gave a loud howl and attacked Sirius (who was in his dog form). James immediately turned into a stag, and held his antlers forward, in case Remus got sick of fighting Sirius.

Remus swiped at Sirius, who ducked, and swiped at Remus and connected with his face.

"Get the potion!" James roared to Peter, who quickly snapped into a rat, and then climbed up on Remus, who (while still a werewolf) was very humanishly nursing his wound. With a quick swift of Peter's paws, he poured a liquid in a small vial down Remus' throat.

He howled loudly and Sirius tackled him to the ground to keep him down.

And then Remus was human. With a crack, Sirius too was human, and laying on top of Remus, both absent of clothing.

James, not noticing the two's absence of words, announced, "Excellent! We've got the potion to make Moony human!" he grinned broadly, and then looked down at his foot, where Peter (as a rat) was starting to doze. "Wormtail, whenever you wish, you may stop squeaking around my shoes."

As James gave Peter a slight kick and laughed as Peter tried to scamper over to his clothes, Sirius gently touched Remus' face. "I hope I didn't hurt you." Sirius whispered.

Remus smiled. "I'm fine now. Plus, this means that I can take a potion and turn into a werewolf whenever I want."

Sirius grinned. "Now you're almost like me."

"Well Sirius, I don't want to be you, I want-"

But Sirius would never know what Remus wanted, for Peter had just transformed back into a human, and James was laughing as Peter modestly tried to put his pants on.

Sirius sighed and rolled off of Remus, and crawled over to his own clothes. Remus quickly did the same. Peter gave a slight questioning look at Sirius and Remus, but then shrugged and put on a shirt.

James, however, was having a hair-messing attack.

"Are you okay there, Prongs?" Sirius asked, looking slightly alarmed.

"Lily agreed to go on a date with me tonight." James said quickly, fixing his hair and then did an action that looked very much like head banging.

Remus smiled. "Prongs, Lily doesn't like you messy hair. You should comb it."

"But if I don't mess it up, it will still stay messy!" James said desperately, now trying to flatten his hair (but was unsuccessful).

Sirius' stomach rumbled. He hadn't eaten since yesterday at dinner. The whole day he had been doing homework and finishing the potion and had no time to eat. So, he announced, "Prongs, I'm really sorry, but I've got to eat. I'm STARVING."

"Do you mind if I join you?" Remus asked.

"No, not at all, Moony." Sirius replied.

The two wished them good luck, and left Peter to help a very helpless James.

"Did you notice anything different back there?" Sirius asked as they walked down the Quidditch field after eating.

"What do you mean? The Great Hall looked normal." Remus replied.

"No. When we were in the room. Not the room itself, but the people in it." Sirius said quickly, blushing slightly.

"James sure was weird, wasn't he?" Remus laughed. "I can only imagine how his date is going."

Sirius laughed too. "And Peter giving Prongs fashion advice is just too funny.

The two laughed harder. Then after some thought, Sirius said, "I do hope Wormtail didn't ruin the date too much."

Remus pursed his lips. "You're right, I wonder what they're doing right now."

Sirius gave a half smile. "Actually, I wasn't asking you about James being weird. It was more about what happened when we turned back to our human selves. What were you going to say?"

Remus was silent. "Sirius, follow me. I want to show you something."

"Remus, don't change the sub-"

"I'm not. Follow me and I'll explain everything when we get there."

And Remus took off, Sirius chasing after him. They ran to the top of a tall hill, out looking the lake, and a half moon reflecting off of the lake.

"Now will you tell me what you were going to say?" Sirius asked with a smile.

"I don't exactly know what to say, but when I saw that you and Snape started to-well, talk, I didn't know what to do. It was like my stomach had turned inside out. It was like when I had seen Amos kissing Olivia, only this one was worse." He paused and said rather quickly, "Do you have feelings for Snape?"

Sirius blinked and in surprise, he said, "No."

Remus smiled and moved in a little closer, their hands brushing up against each other. "I just woke up one morning, thinking about you. I thought you were everything I wanted to be." His eyes burned into Sirius' as he took his hand. "But then I thought about it, and realized that I wanted you, to be with you." Remus admitted.

That was all Sirius needed to hear. He let go of Remus' hands, put them around his neck, and kissed him, the moonlight illuminating their every move.

Sirius walked down the 3rd floor corridor, humming the Salem Witches' latest single, "You've Put a Spell on Me," when he met up with Severus. "Hello Snape." He said as calmly as he could.

"Black, don't you have something else to do besides wandering the hallways?"

"I could say the same for you." Sirius replied. "Ooh, baby, you took my heart with the flick of your wand." He sang.

"What's that?" Severus asked, mortified at the song.

"It's a new song. I can't seem to get it out of my head."

"You must be in a good mood then." Severus commented, attempting to start a bit of a conversation.

"Yep." Sirius gave Severus a smile and continued walking, singing, "Don't you put me right, ooh, you're mine tonight."

"Fine." Severus said. "I guess I'll talk to you later."

"Sounds like fun." Sirius said casually and then sang, "You can't leave me, you've put a spell on me!"

"You know, I'm beginning to worry about you, Sirius." Severus began.

"Don't say that!" Sirius said, looking stricken.

"What's wrong with you today?" Severus exclaimed.

"Nothing! I've never felt better, actually. So justâ€leave me alone." He said, instantly regretting the words coming from his mouth.

"Oh. So we aren't speaking anymore?" Severus asked, trying to keep his voice calm.

"Um." Was all Sirius could say.

"Wasn't I- Didn't we-You-"Severus stuttered.

Then it clicked in Sirius' head. "I-I-I need some time. I'll-get back to you-later" he trailed off and then walked as quickly as he could away.

"Sirius!" Severus yelled, but Sirius kept walking.

"Padfoot? Are you alright?" someone asked.

Sirius lay on his back in the grass, and ignored the voice.

"Sirius Black, I order you to listen to me!" the voice said clearly with a smile.

"Peter, what do you want?" Sirius asked, sitting up.

"Well, I couldn't help but notice the way you were running out here as fast as you could, clumsily, crashing into people and doors. So, I thought I'd come say hi. Oh, and wonder if there's any way I could help your situation."

"Well, hi." Sirius answered.

"Okay, what's the matter? This morning, you were singing, 'You've Put a Spell on Me', which is by far one of the cheesiest songs ever made."

"I thought rats liked cheese." Sirius tried to fight the urge to smile.

"Its commonly misunderstood: Mice and rats don't exactly like cheese, its just that back in the Middle Ages, that was the only thing they had to use to exterminate our race. BUT that's not the point. You look as if you got in a fight with a hippogriffâ€only without the cutsâ€and everything elseâ€except you look terrible" Peter trailed off.

Sirius tried to get the meaning out of these words, but couldn't and finally smiled. "I wish that hippogriff would have torn my face offâ€then I wouldn't have to look anyone in the eye again." He answered rather femininely.

"You want to hide that pretty face?" Peter mocked. "Really, Sirius, what could you have done in order to ruin your mood?"

"I guess I really hurt someone." Sirius admitted.

"Does this have anything to do with you and Moony's newfound relationship?" Peter asked gently.

"How'd you-"

"He was singing that same song this morning, too." Peter replied. "Plus, it was obvious last night when you were about to shag like the dogs you were."

"Wait. You noticed-"

"I may not be incredibly bright, but I'm not stupid." Peter said. "I know all about that stuff. I may not be in a relationship, but I know what makes one."

"Right." Sirius looked at Peter, almost in a new light. He was still the slightly overweight blonde haired boy, but he still looked different. Maybe he never noticed how much Peter had matured, and he had ignored the factsâ€at least up until now. "Well, there's someone else who I'm slightly confused about." Sirius confided, knowing he'd regret this rather (what he'd call) wimpy conversation later.

"I doesn't matter." Sirius replied. "But this person was really hurt when I was less than friendly to them."

"Well, duh." Peter laughed. "Would you be preaches and cream if someone you thought was a friend-or possibly more-ignored you?"

Sirius thought about it. "I know." He said slowly. "But the problem here, is that I think I share those same feelings for that person."

Peter nodded. "I can understand that. But shouldn't you talk to 'that person' about it?"

"I don't know, Pete. I just want to ignore it all and lock myself up in my dorm."

Peter frowned. "But if you do that, I don't think that'll help at all."

"I don't care." Sirius said slowly. "I like both of them, and I don't know what I want. It's like choosing between Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. You know you'll miss one if you don't get that flavour, but you can't help but wonder what the other one has to offer."

Peter frowned. "I've never heard that analogy before."

"Well, it made me feel better." Sirius answered. "And I guess that's what counts."

"Oh, I don't know which potion I took, but its made me all dizzy, and all I see is you." Remus sang as he passed the Transfiguration room, where Severus had just exited. He gave a curious look at Remus as he shot him a "So-there" look.

"What was that about, Lupin?" Severus asked in disgust.

"You've been thinking you're the one, but you're not." Remus said smugly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Severus asked, shaking his head.

"You don't have him anymore." Remus said quietly, so only Severus could hear him.

"Who?"

"Sirius." Remus smiled and licked his lips, singing, "Oh now that you've got me, we'll always be together."

"What are you talking about, Lupin?" Severus asked, in a far tighter voice this time.

"Just stay away from him, Snape. Whatever delusion you had in your mind when you started talking to him, ignore it. Its sickening."

"You know what? You're sickening. You told me to stay away-on the train-just so you could get to him, isn't that right?"

"Look, just leave him alone, leave me alone, and we'll all be good. Don't you ever think about doing anything with him, because I'll be watching you closely."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I can't believe you would think that I, of all people-"

"I know you all too well, Snape." Remus answered, and glared at Severus. Then, he walked away.

Only then did Severus take in a loud gasp, and run straight to the Slytherin Tower. There was no way, no possible way that Remus and Sirius had gotten together. There was no way, not when they were THIS close to-no, Remus had to have been joking. But yet, there was that little voice in Severus' head that told him that all this timeâ€it was just a lieâ€just a dreamâ€and would never be realâ€no matter how much Severus had wanted it to be true, not matter how much Severus had longed to hold Sirius just once, it would never happen.

Catch me as I fall

Say you're here and it's all over now

Speaking to the atmosphere

No one's here and I fall into myself.

This truth drives me into madness.

I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away.

If I will it all away.

Don't turn away (Don't give into the pain)

Don't try to hide (Though they're screaming your name)

Don't close your eyes (God knows what lies behind them)

Don't turn off the lights (Never sleep, never die)

I'm frightened by what I see

But somehow I know that there's much more to come

Immobilized by my fear

And soon to be blinded by tears

Fallen angels at my feel

Whispering voices at my ear

Death before my eyes

Lying next to me, I fear.

She beckons me, shall I give in?

Upon my end, shall I begin?

Forsaking all I've fallen for, I rise to meet

The end.

N/A: Excellent! 2nd chapter done! Nowâ€evil grin It gets even more dramatic. What can I say? I'm listening to Evanescence, you can't deny they're a tad dramatic (read the Omlet of Desire by Silver Phoenix 25, there's a brilliant section of Evanescence going bankrupt, so they make great songs specifically for HP ff writersâ€its perfect. If you've got any comments, review or send them to tatubabe2000(at)yahoo(dot)com

Love ya!

Ashii Black


	3. Eternal

Hello and I hope you guys all welcome me back with open arms! I haven't updated fanfiction in about four years, so I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. Okay just as a reminder: I wrote this fic when I was 15, which meant that the fifth book had just come out. EVERYTHING is written out according to the history up to the OotP. This chapter took me several hours to prepare for, because I calculated ages. My notebook has several pages of years and quotes to show what, at the time, I believed was an accurate portrayal of what could have happened when it came to the Death Eaters.

Some responses to my reviews:

Sally: You will probably hate me for a lot of the things I do to Sev/Sirius' relationship, but I think it's a pretty great fic.

Absynth Fairy: I hope you're now hooked on Sev/Siri and you can't get away from it.

Mini-kero: Continuing now 

Oni-Baka: After I've got this typed up, I want you to read "Peter's Story". It's kind of a sympathy fic about Peter and what caused him to actually become a Death Eater. I've only written one chapter but it's really fantastic (I think so at least!).

Hipa: I chased the feeling of making Remus a hated character, just because I wanted to see him break from his stereotype in most fics.

Bluerose24: It's now updated! Sorry it took me so long! I saw your review last year and I looked EVERYWHERE for this stupid notebook I wrote this in and it was nowhere to be found!

ON WITH THE FIC

* * *

Chapter 3: Eternal

"Sev!" called Bellatrix. "What attacked you?"

Severus spun around. "Get me the worst curse you can find, Bella. If you can't help me, then I'll kill him with my bare hands."

Bellatrix appeared surprised, and then grinned. "Going to kill Potter, now?"

"Not Potter." Severus snarled. "Are you going to help me or not?"

"If it has to do with great pain, followed by death of almost any student, I'm there." She said.

"Good. Let's go." He grabbed her wrist and set off for the Slytherin Common Room.

"Will you explain this to me now? Who are you going to kill and why?" Bellatrix asked when they sat on Severus' bed with a pile of Dark Arts books resting on the floor.

"Lupin." Severus spat, wrinkling his nose when he said his name.

"Goody Two-Shoes Quartet Boy?" Bellatrix asked. "Why not Pettigrew or Potter, or even my dear cousin, Sirius?"

He twitched at Sirius' name. "No, none of them. Those three I can…deal with. Both Lupin needs to die for what he just did."

"Which would be what?" Bellatrix asked curiously.

Severus laughed harshly. "You don't even want to know."

"Well, let's get started. You remember Avada Kedavra?" she replied.

"Yes." Severus pointed his wand at a spider crawling about. "Avada Kedavra!"

A small flash of green light came out from his wand and immediately killed the spider. Bellatrix laughed. "That was weak. You'd only knock a person unconscious."

"Did I hear an Unforgiveable Curse?" asked a boy.

"Hello dear Regulus. And I see you've brought Rosier and Wilkes with you!" Bellatrix said in a honey-sweet voice.

Rosier and Wilkes were both seventh years completely immersed in the dark arts. Along with Bellatrix and Rodolphus, they had encountered a middle-aged wizard in the drug trades. He had persuaded them to consider a "meeting" with a few other grown wizards. Bellatrix had been preaching nothing but this for the past month to their group. This man taught Bellatrix many curses, and helped her master the Unforgivable Curses.

Rosier smiled lightly at Bellatrix, but then turned to Severus. "Sev, if you want to get a good cruse on that Lupin boy, you should go see our friend."

"Who's he?" Severus asked.

"His name is Tom. And he's done a lot of things." Wilkes replied, grinning.

"Like what?"

"Like, opened the Chamber of Secrets. And now, he's putting spells and enchantments on himself. And we're going to be on His side when he rises to power and snuffs every Muggle and Mudblood in the world." Bellatrix let out a laugh.

Severus looked down. "Where can I meet this man?"

"He'll be in Hogsmeade in the Shrieking Shack tonight." Rosier replied.

"We're having a few others come too." added Wilkes.

"Like who?" Severus asked.

"Well, Barty was VERY interested and we're bringing Rodolphus, Rabastan, and Avery for now. And all of us." Regulus added.

"There are some grown wizards coming too." Bellatrix chimed in.

"**Lucius Malfoy** was with him when we met Tom." Rosier's eyes bulged out in excitement.

"You're joking me!" Lucius Malfoy, who's in the Ministry, in the head party with the Minister?" Severus asked.

"Yep. He's in the league with Tom." Wilkes replied.

"And Rookwood and Dolohov, too." Regulus put in for emphasis. "This Tom wants to be in full power, and to get rid of those Mudbloods is his main goal."

"Would he kill Muggle lovers like Potter?" Severus asked curiously.

"Yes." All of them answered in unison.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Severus asked, standing up. "Its nearly sunset."

They all grabbed the others, and the nine of them snuck over to the Whomping Willow. Rosier dove for a knot in the tree, froze it, and beckoned the others to follow through a hole.

"I discovered this in my 3rd year." Rosier whispered to them. "There's definitely a reason behind this."

"I wish I knew." Wilkes added.

They continued in silence. Then, at last, they approached a door. "Be very quiet and don't speak unless spoken to." Hissed Bellatrix, and then knocked on the door.

"Come in." replied an icy voice that made Severus shiver all over.

The door opened. A good-looking man in hismid-30s sat in a chair. He had dark hair, very pale skin, tall, and had red slits for eyes.

Severus, Crouch, Rabastan, and Avery all widened their eyes. The other five grinned.

The man walked up to Bellatrix and embraced her like a daughter. "You have been well?" he asked in the most sincere voice he could have.

She grinned widely. "I've brought others, Master." She said.

"Very good. What are your names?" he asked.

"Rabastan Lestrange." Rabastan said and bowed.

"Lestrange…I knew your father before he died. I hope you're just as much like him as Rodolphus was." Tom said, nodding.

"I'm Alec Avery. You were my father's school friend." Avery said.

"Ah yes. I remember you when you were just a child. You've grown much." Tom said.

"Thank you, sir." Avery answered.

"My name is Crouch. Barty Crouch." The sandy-haired boy said.

Tom did a double-take at his name. "Crouch, you say?"

"Yes, the one with the scumbag father. The one who cares more about his career than family." Barty said harshly.

Tom surveyed Crouch up and down. "You will no doubt be useful to me, as long as you pledge full allegiance to me."

"I would to no other." Crouch said, bowing.

"And you – what's your name?" Tom asked, turning to Severus.

"Severus Snape." He said, shakily.

"Ah yes. You have a striking resemblance to your father, but you've got your mother's eyes." Tom said, staring at Severus.

"You knew my father?" he asked.

"I did. Traitorous little bastard." He commented with a smile. "He left your mother all alone to raise you."

Severus didn't know what to say. This man had to be skilled in Legimency, for hardly anyone knew that his father had abused him and his mother, and then left, only to get himself blown up by Aurors. "I – I – " he sputtered.

"You're in great pain, boy. You have a lot of potential, just learn to squash your mortal pain and wreak vengeance on those who've scorned you."

Severus' mind jumped to Remus and Sirius. Tom laughed. This man could definitely read minds.

Another knock sounded. "Who is it?" Tom asked, looking rather bored.

"Its who you've called for." Came a drawling voice.

"Lucius, come on in." Tom said.

Lucius Malfoy entered the room. While a very good looking man, his eyes held a coldness like Tom's.

Three more men followed him. The four adults all bowed, and said, "Hello Master."

"Who are these kids?" Lucius asked, looking at the nine.

"Allow me to introduce everyone. This is Evan Rosier and Wilkes, seventh year students at Hogwarts. This is Regulus Black, Barty Crouch, and Alec Avery, all fifth years at Hogwarts. This is Rodolphus Lestrange, Rabastan Lestrange, Severus Snape, and Bellatrix Black, who are all sixth years at Hogwarts. You lot, this is Antonin Dolohov, Augustus Rookwood, Theodore Nott, and Lucius Malfoy. All of these men work in the Ministry, and were very interested when one Auror turned up dead." Tom said with a hint of a smile playing at his lips.

"You thirteen have been the first I have called to. We have you four working at the Ministry and you nine to help me find more worthy servants such as yourselves. I will soon no longer be called Tom." He said, eyeing Bellatrix for a few seconds. "From now on, you will address me as Lord Voldemort. I will no longer maintain my father's name.

"We will keep meeting – here for now - and I shall give you more instructions. I will also teach the students some rather useful hexes." Voldemort added and smiled at Bellatrix. On a more personal note, I should tell you that I had the pleasure of meeting the two Blacks two years ago in France. I've personally trained Bellatrix in every curse I believe her capable of using. I have a feeling she may be my most faithful servant."

Bellatrix surged forward, kissed the hem of his robes, and said, "Thank you, Master."

"Very well. I will allow all of you to 'mingle' here and get to know one another." Voldemort said mockingly. "However, I would like to speak to Mr. Snape alone."

The students immediately hailed the adults and began to chat animatedly with each other. Meanwhile, Severus walked forward and couldn't stop shaking.

Voldemort smiled. "No need to be afraid. Come, sit down." He offered Serverus a chair and he sat down. "Now, your life story has really stuck out from these others."

"How do you know – " Severus started but Voldemort interrupted.

"There's no question that you know I can read minds. What help do you need?"

"What?" Severus asked incredulously.

"What was a low thing Mr. black and Mr. Lupin did to you. And I'm sure you'd like them to pay." Voldemort said sympathetically.

Severus glanced at Voldemort. "You want to help me?"

"But of course. I know how much that hurts too." He said smiling. "Now, how do you want them to die?"

"Them?"

"Both of them, yes." Voldemort replied.

"I'd really just rather kill Lupin. The thought of him kissing Sirius just disgusts me."

"Yes, especially since that boy has incredible potential."

"I understand that, but I really just want Lupin dead and Sirius mine." Severus answered.

"If you get me what I want, then I'll do that for you." Voldemort whispered excitedly.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"Your allegiance to me and a promise you can't back out of alive."

"And what would that promise be?" Severus asked excitedly.

"That you will serve me forever."

"Done." Severus said.

"No, I don't want you to do this yet. I want you to think about what this will mean first. Then, I want you to call to me when you have made your decision."

"How do I do that?" Severus asked.

"You will notice that Bellatrix, Rosier, and Wilkes all have something burned into their upper left arm. I'm going to do the same to you. Lift up your sleeve." Voldemort demanded. Severus did so.

"Now, this may hurt a bit, but don't worry, its very useful." He said as he traced something onto his arm.

Severus looked down. It was a skull with a snake coming out of its mouth. There was no paid. But then, after Voldemort had tapped the tattoo, it felt as if hot tongs fresh from the fire had stabbed him and wasn't pulling out of his flesh.

And then the pain was gone as soon as it started. He looked down again and saw that the mark was red.

"I welcome you, Severus Snape, into my circle of Death Eaters."

* * *

"Come on Padfoot, you can't sleep all night! Let's try the potions out!" James begged.

"Oh leave him alone." Peter stepped in. "Look at him, it looks like a poor lost puppy. Give him a chance to find himself."

James blinked. "What?"  
"Peter, thanks for believing in me, but that didn't really help me." Sirius replied.

Remus was watching the three talk. Sirius had been very strange since about noon. He decided to stay in as well. "Prongs, Wormtail, how about you two go nick some food from the kitchens and come back in a few hours after I'm done talking to Padfoot?"

James smiled at the idea of getting food and Peter gave Sirius a good luck grin and then the two walked away, discussing how James' date went the night before.

Remus gave a great sigh and sat next to Sirius' body on his bed. "What's wrong?"

Sirius laughed. "I don't know. I guess that's what's really wrong." He took Remus' hand.

"You look really sad." Remus said. "Maybe you need cheering up." He thought aloud, leaned down, and kissed Sirius fully on the lips.

His hands moved down and unfastened Sirius' jeans. Sirius pulled them off and pulled Remus' pants off as well. Still kissing, they removed their robes.

The two tried to stay as close to each other, to frantically become one. Their kisses became more forceful, more needy as if they let go of each other, they would die.

Now with each kiss came a moan from one of them. They removed their shirts and underclothes quickly, as this meant they had to pull away shortly. They continued kissing and then Remus rolled Sirius on his back.

He slowly put himself into Sirius and thrust. With each thrust, Sirius moaned louder.

Then came the climax. It was silent at first, and both boys cried out in ecstasy as they both came at the same time.

Remus pulled himself out and lay down next to Sirius, both breathing heavily.

Sirius turned to Remus and kissed him gently on the lips. "I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." Came a different voice next to him.

Sirius looked at the boy next to him and opened his eyes widely.

Severus Snape was lying down next to him, completely naked and panting.

END OF CHAPTER 3

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N/A: Whootwhoot! Cliffies! Well, reading back through this, it is fairly obvious I was a virgin when I wrote this and had read WAY too much V.C. Andrews. In any case, please review! I have this whole story finished but I am planning on editing a fair amount of it to have it make more sense, as this next chapter is fairly confusing.

Yay for editing!

Oh, and "Eternal" doesn't have any lyrics.

Ashii Black


	4. Away From Me

Ok so here's chapter 4…if anyone reviews while I am typing this up, I'll respond!

Also, this chapter needs a lot of editing, so please let me know if I misspell anything or something seems weird because I'm editing as I'm typing.

Thanks!

Ashii

* * *

Chapter 4: Away From Me

Sirius jumped up out of the bed, his mouth open in a silent scream.

"What, you honestly think that the boy could fuck that good?" Severus asked, his eyes shining. "You can't deny that you liked it and you've wanted me since the ride to Hogwarts."

Sirius didn't know what to do. He was in deep shit. "How'd you-who did-what spell?"

"Oh baby, you've put a spell on me." Severus sang and rubbed his still somewhat sore left arm.

"HOW'D YOU DO IT?" Sirius roared.

"A man you'll be hearing a lot about in the near future. See, I've never been too good at glamours. Otherwise, I wouldn't look like I usually do. This man showed me so much. I guess you could say it was a real eye opener."

"What was?"

"Meeting him." Severus grinned. "He told me he could get me anything I've ever dreamed off. He proved that Potter's theory was true. All dreams come true. That's the origin of greed. But I only what two things."

"And what would those be?" Sirius asked in a shaky voice.

"Your boyfriend dead…and you with me." Severus answered calmly.

"What's gotten into you?" Sirius asked. "You're not normally like this…"

He blinked and then Severus' face seemed to transform before his very eyes. No longer was his face hard and had a smirk on it, but his face was confronted in terror and confusion. "Sirius? What happened? I can only recall….oh my god are you okay? Did He hurt you??" Severus asked.

"What? What is going on? One minute you're Remus, the next you turn into your body and act like a jackass, and now you don't know what happened?" Sirius yelled.

" Oh Sirius, I'm so sorry! I promised my soul to Him. I told him I'd do anything for you and – and-" his voice quaked at his confession.

"You'd-do-anything-" Sirius sputtered. "For me?"

"Yes." Severus trembled. "And it was stupid to tell him that. He lied to me, told me things."

"I can't believe that this man thought that I would so easily ignore Remus."

"He possessed me! He used the Imperius Curse on me! I was trying to fight it, I wanted you to love me without you thinking I was Remus! I swear, and I didn't want to hurt you or mislead you, I just told him I wanted to hurt Lupin."

"Why did you-"

"He threatened me. Lupin threatened me and told me to stay away from you." Severus replied in a low voice. "I was angry. I let my emotions take me over. And I didn't mean to do what I did, but I've promised my soul to him and I can't get away. Please Sirius, help me." He begged.

"I-I-what can I do?" Sirius asked.

"I know you don't want me as much as Lupin, but can you pretend? You could save my life."

"What about Remus?" Sirius asked curiously.

"I-I don't know. But will you do it?" he begged.

"I don't know if I can." Sirius admitted. "It'd be really hard and I just can't pretend something like that."

Someone knocked on the door. "Padfoot, are you in there?" James' voice asked.

"Yes, hold on." Sirius glanced at Severus and hissed, "Put your clothes on and hide in the bed. I'll close the curtains."

"Oh god." Severus breathed and his behind the curtains.

"Stay. Still." Sirius ordered, threw on his night gown and opened the door.

"You all alone in there?" Peter asked.

Sirius' voice trembled as he said, "Remus wasn't feeling well. I hope that potion didn't mess him up."

"Well, there was nothing toxic in it." James said. "We've got O's in Potions and we have our own potion stash. I'm pretty sure he'll be just fine."

"I agree. But I just hope nothing like that would ever happen. I'd feel responsible."

"Because we were." Laughed James. "Listen, don't worry about Remus, he'll be fine. And he'll be back soon."

"Look! We've brought food!" Peter exclaimed and a loud thud sounded as something hit the ground.

The boys all dove for it and Severus heard them chomping down food that smelled fantastic.

"Sirius, why are the curtains closed?" Peter asked. Severus' eye twitched.

"I'm working on a little present for Snivellus." Sirius said with a grin in his voice.

"Ah, excellent! Let's see it!" James exclaimed with a great smile on his face.

"No, no, it's a surprise. But I think you'll enjoy it very much."

Severus brushed his hair with his fingers and continued listening.

Peter laughed. "I'd love to see what that scumbag would do with what you've got planned."

"Don't call him a scumbag!" Sirius snapped and a very awkward silence followed, except for a faint squeak from the bed, as Severus had nearly fallen off of it.

"What?" James asked, blinking at Sirius' outburst.

"Scumbag just sounds a little…good for Snivellus." Sirius replied.

"You're right. Peter, you idiot, Snape is so much more than a scumbag. He's also a loser, git, ghost humper-" James started.

"That was funny." Sirius laughed.

Peter seemed to have jumped in happiness at mention of the ghost-humper. "You- you drew him – HUMPING the Bloody Baron-" he choked after every word due to his laughter. "And you – hung it in front of the Great Hall!" Peter fell on the floor.

James looked proud of himself, but Sirius chuckled and said, "Peter, don't wet yourself there. I'd really rather not see a pee spot in this dorm and I'm sure no other students would like it either."

This only made Peter laugh harder. James started laughing at poor Peter, who started choking on his food while laughing and pretty soon, both boys were laughing so hard, they were hiccupping, which only made them laugh harder.

"Come on you two. It isn't that' fu- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Soon, Peter and James were screaming too. Severus opened the curtains slightly and he too was ready to scream.

Remus' head was of a dog, badly beaten, and seemed to be barely breathing.

"Moony?" James stuttered.

"Is he going to die?" Peter asked as Remus collapsed onto the floor.

"I don't think so. Let's just – _Priori Incantem_." Sirius said, and the wolf head disappeared.

"Sirius, you said he was sick, but not mangled!" James yelled.

"I- I- I- don't know what happened!" Sirius yelled back.

The three were in such chaos, nothing was being done to Remus. So Severus decided to take action. He transformed into a healthy Remus and opened the curtains.

The three boys gasped. "Who are YOU?" Peter asked.

"You have no need to know who I am, only that I am here to make your friend look as healthy as me again. This man has been badly damaged by the darkest of the arts. He must be tended to quickly or he will fade into death." Severus said calmly. "Now, will you allow me to help?"

Peter jumped back, James looked at Sirius' bed curiously, and Sirius was looking at Severus as if he was nothing short of a god.

He muttered a few spells, replaced Remus' missing blood, healed his wounds, and began trying to figure out what else was wrong. "_Inervate_." He whispered, and Remus shot up.

While James and Peter didn't know who Severus really was and while Sirius knew who he was but couldn't find a trace of him, Severus was pretty sure that Remus saw him perfectly. A look of disgust spread to his face. "You did this." Remus hissed.

Severus froze. "No, I didn't, you great prat. I just saved your life."

"What sort of game are you playing at?" Remus yelled. "I told you to stay away!"

Severus glanced at Sirius for a cue for help. Sirius just sort of glanced back at him. Remus got his wand out and held it to Severus' throat. "Never bother us again. I'm not like James or Peter, or even your precious Sirius. When I'm angry at someone, they pay. And I've NEVER been this angry before."

Severus whipped out his wand as well and in a swift movement, he too had his wand to Remus' throat. "Drop your wand." He hissed. "I saved you only because you matter to him."

He stared at Severus, trying to decide what to do.

"Put the wand down." Severus said.

A hand touched Remus. "Remus, this man saved you." Sirius said.

"You know EXACTLY why he saved me. To save his own skin."

"But he could have walked away." Sirius said. "And he's not afraid to kill you."

"I'm not afraid to kill him!" Remus yelled.

"I don't believe that." Severus snarled. "You could never take another human's life."

"Please, both of you, drop your wands." Sirius begged. "Remus, he saved you, and you," he turned to Severus, "your work here is done."

Severus wrinkled his nose and Remus bit his lip. They both lowered their wands, and for a moment, it seemed as though they would tackle each other, but they stood back.

"No go back to where you came from. I would like to speak with you at midnight. You'll know where to find me. Remus, I will explain all of this. James and Peter, forget this ever happened. Obliviate!" Sirius yelled, and James and Peter blinked blankly.

"Severus, I will talk to you soon. Please be by the Whomping Willow at midnight. I will talk to you later then." Sirius said in Severus' head, so only he could hear it.

Remus stared at Severus as he turned and walked away, and Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and dragged him over to a one-eyed witch's statue. "_Dissindium_" Sirius whispered and the witch moved out of the way to show a hole. They went through the hole, closed the door, and sat down.

"Explain to me why Snape was here." Remus said quietly.

Sirius sighed. "He was incredibly angry at what you had told him, talked to some wizard who said he could get him anything if he would promise allegiance to him."

Remus blinked. "WHAT?"

"He hasn't done it yet…at least, I don't think he has, but this man possessed him and then transfigured him to look like you."

"And – what did he do to you?"

Sirius shook his head. "I saw right through the disguise" he lied. "He went very weirdish and then the man disappeared. He turned back into himself and then begged for help."

"Something about Snape and begging in the same sentence doesn't sound right." Remus said.

"He's actually a very sad and depressed boy, Remus. Don't be so hard on him."

"What did you do after he begged for help?" Remus asked, staring at him suspiciously.

"I did the only thing I could do. Listen. This man he's been dealing with burned a tattoo into his arm. I don't think this is the last we'll hear of him."

"No, it probably is just the first we'll hear about this man. Did Snape tell you what his name was?" Remus asked.

"No, he didn't." Sirius said thoughtfully.

"Well, there has been an increase of Dark activity in the wizarding world, according to the Prophet." Remus said thoughtfully. "You think this man has anything to do with that?"

"I think so. If he's gotten Snape into this, no doubt he's got my cousin or anyone else that's in his little group interested in joining." Sirius added.

"Definitely. You think its time to do some research?" Remus asked.

"On this man?"

"Yes, I'm sure we could narrow it down to about five people: manipulative, evil, and incredibly insane."

"That's half the Slytherins." Sirius said dully. ""We'll never find out who he is."

"Oh yes we can. We've got Snape. Get him to give you information."

"Do you mean just – use him?" Sirius asked, staring at Remus.

"You don't care about that, do you?" Remus asked innocently.

"Well, it sounds as if I'd have to pretend to like him or something."

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him." Remus replied.

"But that's the thing…I think it would." Sirius answered. "If he finds out I'm only being nice to him – "

"Since when did you care about his feelings?" Remus demanded.

Sirius glanced at Remus guiltily. "Since last year, when I learned he wasn't the heartless bastard we thought he was."

Remus stared at him. "So last night was just a lie?"

"No! Never!" Sirius went to touch Remus' hand, but he backed away.

"Make up your mind, Sirius. I know you'll choose the right one, but do it soon, because I may not be able to wait. I need to go finish my essay on vampires. Have a good evening."

"Remus, please!" Sirius called, but Remus took no noticed of him.

* * *

He checked his watch. It was 12:01 AM and he was as close to the Whomping Willow as one can get without the Whomphing Willow doing what it was named for, and Sirius was no where in sight.

Severus sighed and sat down, wondering where Sirius was.

His mind flashed to the more intimate time in the Griffindor Tower. Every stroke, every kiss. It was perfect, exactly how he wanted to it be. But there was just one problem…it wasn't him who Sirius wanted to be with at that moment. It wasn't his name Sirius kept calling out during their lovemaking. It was Remus Lupin.

Severus thought about Remus' warnings. He had a feeling that Remus' hatred for him wasn't fully directed to he and Sirius' relationship. No, there had to be another reason, something he had no idea about. And the main problem was that Remus was the less hated of the Quartet, the nickname most Hogwarts students gave the four of them. He and James had hated each other since they had first met. Peter annoyed him – he was incredibly clingy. Probably a great guy, just not too good at doing things himself…well, perhaps masturbation was an exception, but overall, he couldn't do things himself. Severus had hated Sirius just as much as James, sometimes even more; he had betrayed the Black family. Bellatrix and Regulus were quite saddened to know that Sirius had no interest in hating Mudbloods or marrying a Pureblood.

But he remembered the very day he had silently fallen into the prefects bathroom.

_He hit his head and was too dizzy to pull himself out of the water. Right before he passed out, he saw a boy standing over the water. He felt someone jump in, and then he woke up to someone smacking him._

_Sirius had given him rescue breathing, because he hadn't been breathing when Sirius pulled him out of the water. He was panting when Severus had woken, as if he had really worked hard to save his life._

_Severus had been incredibly embarrassed. For a while, he was completely silent until Sirius spoke up. "Are you okay?" he asked, still breathing rapidly._

_He had managed to find his voice. "Would I tell you if I wasn't?"_

_Sirius' face turned red. "Fine. I'll remember that next time you need your ass saved-"_

_Severus couldn't stand it. "No – Black, I'm okay. Thanks…for saving me. You didn't have to do that."_

And it went on from there. Severus remembered that they had talked for hours, spilling out everything on their minds. They had clicked so well, both were shocked at it. They had agreed to go meet again sometime.

It was completely silent. No one was coming, and it was nearly one o'clock. Why did he think Sirius would be any different after tonight?"

He blinked. Sleep was starting to take him over. Before he fell over and got lost in his dreams, a single tear fell down his cheek.

* * *

I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll  
I hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds  
But oh, God, I feel I've been lied to  
Lost all faith in the things I have achieved  
And I

I've woken now to find myself  
In the shadows of all I have created  
I'm longing to be lost in you  
(away from this place I have made)  
Won't you take me away from me

Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins  
I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed  
I can't go on like this  
I loathe all I've become

Lost in a dying world I reach for something more  
I have grown so weary of this lie I live

I've woken now to find myself  
In the shadows of all I have created  
I'm longing to be lost in you

I have woken now to find myself  
I'm lost in shadows of my own  
I'm longing to be lost in you

Away from me.

* * *

Hey guys, please review review review! I really appreciate it! Like I said earlier, any feedback would be awesome.

Ashii

* * *


	5. Lies

Okay so I got a lot of hits on these past two chapters, but pleasepleaseplease leave reviews! And please review respectfully. I got an anonymous review bitching about Severus being beat up in chapter one and Bellatrix not being the same age as the Mauraders.

**PLEASE REMEMBER THAT I WROTE THIS FOUR YEARS AGO!!!!!!** Of course it's not correct because HBP and DH hadn't even come out yet! However, I felt as if it was a good enough story to take the time to post up here. Not to mention…three of the characters are homosexual…you want to tell me that's incorrect too?

But Lexa, thank you for your criticism/inability to identify yourself. I do appreciate your concern but um…sod off.

Thanks Archea! Its been 3 or 4 months, since I last updated, sorry bout that but school has been rather hectic. 

ON WITH THE FIC

Chapter 5: Lies

"Sit there and tell me that you went to bed early." Bellatrix ordered when Severus entered the room. She was sitting on his bed, as if scouting to find out where he had been.

"I was out." Severus said calmly. "I don't need you pretending that you're my mom."

She laughed. "Well, you sure as hell need one. What does your mom do again? Prostitution?"

That hit a nerve. "Shut up about my mother, Bella. Look what your cousin is: a traitor." He spat, more hurt about Sirius not showing up than "The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black".

Bellatrix stood up abruptly. "As far as I'm concerned, the only cousin I have is dear Regulus." And since when did you start caring about that filthy little blood traitor?"

"Since now." Severus shot back.

"One of these days, Severus, I will show you who Bellatrix Black really is."

"I'm sure you will. Why not now? Is she too scared?"

Just as both took their wands out, Rodolphus walked in. He stopped dead in his tracks upon seeing Bellatrix and Severus looking ready to kill each other. "What are you two fighting about?" he asked.

Bellatrix laughed. "Something not worth it, but entertaining nonetheless."

Severus sighed and dropped his wand. "Bella, just leave it be and quit asking me questions I'll never answer."

"Fine. I'll figure it out myself." She replied hotly and stormed off.

Rodolphus glanced at Severus. "Do I even want to ask? Where were you last night, anyway?"

Severus sighed, and began to tell the best lie he had ever come up with. "I've been getting these strange love letters from someone, and I don't know who. In the most recent letter, they told me that they wanted to meet me by Hagrid's hut. I sat down just outside the Forbidden Forest, waited, and fell asleep waiting. As far as I know, the person never showed up."

Rodolphus laughed. "So you refused to tell Bella and she got angry?"

"Well, yeah. Then, we started insulting each other's families, but that's the general idea, yes." Severus replied.

Rodolphus smiled. "You know how Bella is. Her parents didn't call her Bella Fire for nothing." He grinned at Severus.

Severus laughed. "Whatever. I just lost my temper. I stayed up late last night for nothing. I really need to sleep." He confessed.

Rodolphus shook his head. "You know, Muggles are trying to prove that lack of sleep is unhealthy."

Severus laughed. "Muggles are just so stupid!"

"Yeah they are." Rodolphus agreed. "So, are you going to find out who that person is?"

"If they send me another letter, I'll try and trace the handwriting." He replied.

"You mean you don't have the other ones?" Rodolphus asked.

"No, I threw them away. They were really stupid." Severus replied.

Rodolphus nodded. "Anyone who sends Secret Admirer notes aren't going to be too bright."

"But I'll be sure to tell you if I get another one. Then we can trace them to the person. I'm very angry that the person didn't show up. Otherwise, I wouldn't care."

"I agree." Rodolphus replied, half listening. His eyes had fallen over to out of the window.

"What are you looking at?" Severus asked. He walked over to the window and looked out. "Geez, they don't waste any time, do they?"

Lily and James were making out by the fountain. Sirius and Remus were sitting near them, talking quietly, and Peter was talking to Barty.

"Do they have to make out in front of everyone?" Rodolphus groaned.

"Well, of course they do! Potter would do anything to show the school what he has, just to prove he gets whatever he wants!" Severus said rather passionately.

"Forgot how much you hated him, Sev." Rodolphus said, with a smile playing at his lips.

"I hate them all." He commented.

"You have a lot of anger." Rodolphus said.

"Course I do. Do you have any idea what they've done to me? They hang me in the air like a flag!" Severus said, trying to keep his cool.

"Yeah, I guess they can be pretty cruel to you. I guess you just have to man up and actually fight them next time." Rodolphus said, rolling his eyes.

"You know they follow me. They just love to make my life miserable. No matter what I try, I can't seem to get them to leave! I can't stop thinking about him! He's everywhere! He's haunting me, Rodolphus." Severus said, making a Freudian slip.

"Who?" Rodolphus asked.

"HIM!" Severus yelled, completely losing it. "He's everywhere, his fancy hair, with his many girlfriends, effortless good looks, showing off with his little friends! I thought he was different, but no. That was just a lie."

Rodolphus blinked. "Okay Sev, out of respect for our friendship, I'm going to pretend you didn't say any of that. You think we could get Evans to dump Potter?"

"It would just make a big scene and it would inflate his large head." Severus replied.

"Taking that literally, it could work."

"I wonder how we would go about breaking up Lupin and Black." Severus replied.

"They do act quite gay, don't they? I would love to see them apart."

Severus grinned. "So would I."

"Well, what are we going to do?" Rodolphus asked. "Let's get started on it!"

Severus laughed. "Okay, let's do this."

* * *

Sirius sighed. He couldn't even show his face to him last night. And how could he? Remus had asked him to lie last night, and he couldn't do that. Not to mention, he and Severus had had mad passionate sex. What was he supposed to say? _Oh, sorry, I thought you were my boyfriend. I still want to be friends though._

The words sounded stupid even in his head.

He sighed again and glanced at James, who seemed to be shining. His hair was at his messiest, and had this stupid grin he couldn't take off. He seemed to be humming a **very** familiar song.

"Prongs, will you cut that out?" Remus asked, raising his head from out of his book and putting on his glasses.

"Oh, you've put a SPELL on me." James sang horribly off-key.

"Where'd Wormtail go?" Sirius asked, looking up from his parchment.

"He was talking to Crouch when I last saw him. He probably got him to do his homework or something?" Remus replied casually.

"You mean you didn't give him your homework?" Sirius asked in mock-shock.

"He didn't ask for it." Remus answered.

The tension between the two was like ice. Sirius was trying to be calm about it, but Remus was full-out ignoring him. James didn't notice it, at he was too busy flying on cloud nine. And, of course, Sirius could never talk about this to James. To top it off, Peter wasn't there. Great. Just great.

Sirius stretched out on the bench in front of the fountain. "Guys, I'm going to leave. I can't concentrate out here." He said, and stood up.

James smiled. "See you."

Remus nodded and went back to his book. Sirius grabbed his things and walked down the stairs to where the Whomping Willow was. It seemed different, Sirius could smell it. Other people had been here.

He glanced around to make sure no one was there, and transformed into a dog.

Sirius curled up by the tree, and nuzzled the flowers. He sneezed and then laughed (as much as a dog can laugh). It felt good to not have all of his human emotions.

He sniffed the air. Someone was coming. He stood still and began to clean himself.

Severus walked down the steps and froze when he saw the large dog looking straight at him. Severus was terrified of dogs, as he had been attacked by one when he was younger.

But this dog ran up to him, wagging its tail. It sat down in front of him, staring up at him innocently.

Severus smiled and said, "Move it."

He walked down by the rock he had slept on the night before and realized the dog had followed him. "Get away. I don't have any food for you."

The dog sat down next to him and lowered its head as if to say, "Scratch my head."

Severus very cautiously did so, and the dog closed its eyes in happiness. "Where'd you come from, anyways?"

The dog gave him a blank look. Severus smiled. "Guess you can't tell me. But you're a beautiful dog, who'd abandon you?"

The dog barked. Severus figured it was his imagination, but it sounded as if he had said, "Remus."

"What was that?" he asked.

The dog put its head in his lap. "You're probably lonelier than I am, to have chosen me as a friend." Severus said sadly, petting the dog.

It looked up at him with a pitiful face, and then licked his cheek. Severus blinked. "What's your name, anyways? You seem to be a male dog, so I'll call you Orion." He smiled.

The dog seemed to have shaken his head in amusement.

"You do realize how much you act like a person, don't you?" Severus asked.

Orion barked. "Oh well." Severus said. "Do you want to come home with me?"

Sirius froze and then nodded, wagging his tail extra hard.

"Well, let's go. I'm going to sneak you in." Severus muttered a charm, gently held onto the scruff of Sirius' neck, and led him away.

Sirius realized that he was invisible, as no one was paying any attention to him. Severus led him up to several flights of stairs, and then to a portrait of a scary looking ghost. "Sevitas Maleficum." Severus whispered, and the portrait swung open.

He walked up stairs to his dorm, and sat on his bed. Sirius sniffed his hand and sat on the floor in front of him.

Regulus and Rabastan walked in to the room. They stared at the dog. "What's that?" Regulus asked.

"A giraffe. It's a dog, dumbass." Severus responded, rolling his eyes.

Regulus stared at him dumbfounded. "You own a dog?"

"I thought you were scared of them." Rabastan said.

"I am, but this one is friendly. He came right up to me and put his head in my lap. Plus, he's not one of those wussy little yapping dogs. This one seems well trained and not violent."

Sirius barked. Regulus and Rabastan smiled. "That's a big dog. How are you going to keep him fed and watered?" Regulus asked.

Severus blinked. "Well, I found him near the Forbidden Forest. Maybe I could keep him there?"

"That might work." Rabastan said. "He is a pretty good-looking dog. Come here boy!" he called.

Sirius stayed put next to Severus.

"Wow, he's loyal too. I hope you can tear him away from you." Regulus commented.

Rabastan ignored him. "I'm sure he's just being a stubborn ass." He moved forward to pet Sirius.

Sirius growled quietly as Rabastan came near him. He backed away behind Severus. "I don't think he likes you very much." Severus commented.

"Whatever. He's just a dog." Rabastan muttered, clearly wounded.

Sirius growled louder. Severus sighed. "I think I need to take him outside."

He led Sirius out of the room, and whispered, "Don't let them give you a hard time."

Sirius looked at him softly and followed him. As they passed James and Remus, Sirius quickly took off so they wouldn't see him. Severus laughed and chased after Sirius.

People began to point at Severus and admire his dog. "Snape, where'd you get the dog?" a boy asked.

Severus smiled. "I found him." He replied and kept running.

Sirius barked and ran over to the rock by the Whomping Willow and sat down. Severus bent down. "I'll be here later tonight to pick you up. Stay here or come back at sunset. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

Sirius nodded. Severus smiled. "You act like such a human…" he said and walked away.

As soon as Sirius made sure Severus wasn't there, he transformed into a human, grabbed his robes, slipped them on, and ran to the Griffindor Tower.

* * *

"Hello stranger. Where have you been?" James asked, looking up when Sirius came into the Common Room.

Sirius flushed. "I've been doing a lot of walking lately." He replied.

Remus glowered at him. "Alone?"

Sirius laughed. "What do you think?"

James grinned. "Who's the lucky girl this time?"

"James-no-I haven't been walking with anyone!"

"**Sure**." James grinned. "Maybe walking is too vague of a word. What lucky girl have you been snogging and god knows what with?"

Sirius' eyes widened. "No one." He answered firmly.

"Prongs, leave him alone." Peter spoke up as James opened up his mouth to make another comment.

James looked stunned. "What?"

Peter sighed. "Clearly, Padfoot doesn't want to talk about it. There's a reasoning behind it. While I personally don't know the reason, there has to be one." He answered.

Remus blinked and turned to James. "Did he just make a good point?"

James stared at Peter. "He did…and Peter, where have **you** been, anyways?"

Peter turned as red as Sirius was. "Doing-homework." He stuttered.

"With pencils or hands-on?" James asked, grinning.

It took Peter a while to get the joke. "NO! Like, actual homework. The Ravenclaws have an archive of assignments, essays, and finals to help study or copy off of." He replied nonchalantly.

"Why haven't we got an invitation to use them?" James asked, offended.

"Probably because they hate us." Remus replied.

"Yes, but they apparently like Peter." Sirius responded.

"Maybe Peter's smarter than he looks." Remus answered.

"No, he's the same Peter." James finished.

"I love you guys too." Peter said, slightly confused.

James grinned. "Sorry Wormtail, couldn't resist talking about you."

Peter nodded and started writing. James stared at him. "Are you **really** doing homework?" he asked in amazement.

Peter looked put off. "Of course. Why else would I have my textbook opened to chapter 9?"

James shook his head. "Padfoot, we're going to have another Moony in the group if this keeps up."

Sirius shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe. At least we would have two people to copy off of when we decide to blow of assignments."

"Ooh excellent idea. That's what you're best at, Sirius. Always thinking about what's ahead."

Sirius smiled. "Does that make me a prophet?"

Remus then spoke up, several hours of rage finally coming out. "No, it makes you a liar. You tell lies to yourself until you get what you want. It's a greed. Lie until you're safe from yourself, and it doesn't matter who you hurt in order to get there."

Sirius flared up. "Who's the liar? Look at what you wanted ME to lie about!" Sirius exclaimed. "To pretend to care about someone who cares about me, and then squash all of his feelings! How can you say that **I'm** the liar?"

"If you didn't care about Snape, you couldn't care about lying to him!" Remus hissed.

James blinked. "What the f-"

"You're just jealous!" Sirius roared. "You're jealous that I've got choices! Well guess what, Remus? The joke is on you. I fucked him last night!"

Remus froze. Peter spilled his ink all over his paper and James laughed. "You've got to be kidding me."

Sirius turned to him. "I wish I was."

A voice in Sirius' head began to speak. "Lie to me" urged the voice of Severus. "Humor me and meet me by the Quidditch field in an hour."

~End of Chapter 5~

Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear  
Sealed with lies through so many tears  
Lost from within and persuing the end  
I fight for the chance to be lied to again

You will never be strong enough  
You will never be good enough  
You were never conceived in love  
You will not rise above

They'll never see  
I'll never be  
I struggle on and on to feed this hunger  
Burning deep inside of me

But through my tears breaks a blinding light  
Birthing a dawn to this endless night  
Arms outstretched, awaiting me  
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree

Rest in me and I'll comfort you  
I have lived and I died for you  
Abide in me and I vow to you  
I will never forsake you

N/A: I'm getting angsty on your ass! It just seemed as if the fic was getting a little to happy. And come on, I just want everyone to be miserable and sad by the end of this.

Please review!

~Ashii


	6. Field of Innocence

Chapter 6: Field of Innocence

Remus spun around and left the room. James chased after him. "Remus! Wait up!" he called as Remus stalked away.

When Remus heard him, he turned so sharply that James took a few steps back. "What?" he asked.

"What just happened?" James asked.

"We're gay and together. At least, we **were** together." Remus answered.

"You and Sirius-together. Like…TOGETHER?" James stated in amazement.

"Yes. But Sirius has someone else he's decided to get mixed up with." Remus added.

"Who?"

"Mr. Severus Snape." Remus said statically.

James was silent. "What did - who did - I'm sorry – I - can't understand that concept."

"I have no idea ho wit happened, but they've been talking a lot and I guess they warmed up to each other. Snape is a loser and I can't believe that anyone would ever be attracted to him." Remus sighed.

"I don't understand it either. Sirius is **gay**?" James asked.

"Yes. Either that, or he's dug himself a hole he can't get out of."

"Remember when we were younger, in our first year?" James asked.

Remus smiles nostalgically. "And we all met."

"Do you remember when you walked in on us changing? You weren't gay then, were you?" James asked cautiously.

Remus snorted. "I don't think so. But then Peter came in and-"

Before they knew it, they were driving down a trip to memory lane.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" a first year Sirius Black yelled at the top of his lungs while on the Hogwarts Express.

The stuffed bear he was trying to levitate blew up. "Dammit!" he exclaimed and plopped inot his chair.

"Aren't you the Black boy?" a young James Potter asked.

"Yeah. Sit down if you want." Sirius said.

James said down. "I'm James. James Potter."

"Sirius Black." He answered.

"So were you trying to do a spell?" James asked.

"Sirius smiled. "Yeah. My dad tried to teach me a few spells but they haven't worked so far."

"You're a Pureblood?" James asked.

Sirius sat down, almost as if he was ashamed. "Yeah."

"Well, I'm a half blood." James offered. "It was quite a shock to my mum." He said and laughed.

Sirius looked at James and began to laugh. Yeah, I know a few people that would have left if I said I was a Black."

"Why would I do that? Because you're 'evil'? Naw, you'd be evil if you tried out a spell on me. By the way, what's with all the stuffing on the ground?"

"Er-" Sirius started but then something slammed into the compartment door.

James ran to the door, opened it, and looked at what looked like a white ball with blonde fuzz. "What are you doing down there?" he asked.

The ball uncurled and said, "Help me!" his voice was high-pitched and he had a cute, round face with blue eyes.

"Why do you need help?" Sirius asked, standing up.

The boy flung himself onto the seat. "Because there are people trying to beat me up!" he squeaked!

"Oh. Well that IS a good reason to hide." Sirius commented.

A large group of students ran down the hall. They boy froze and said, "PLEASE?"

"What do you want me to do?" James asked, horribly confused.

"I don't know! What CAN you do?" he yelled.

Sirius stepped forward. This was his time to shine. He would have the boy praising him in glory for the remainder of his life.

He could see himself now, standing ahead of everyone, James cheering on the sidelines, and several incredibly attractive women over the age of 16 clinging to his chest. He was invincible. He was powerful. He was-

"WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!" Sirius roared and the blonde boy was raised into the air and hit the ceiling.

The some older students walked into the room. "Have you kids seen a chubby blonde boy over here?" one of them asked, not bothering to look up.

"No." James answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because he's stolen a Chocolate Frog from us…a Merlin Gold card." He answered.

"You have one of those?" Sirius asked excitedly.

"I did." He replied cooly. "If you see the little rat, be sure to tell one of us where he is." And then he walked out.

Sirius let out a loud sigh and sat down. He moved his wand down, so the poor boy would float back down. Unfortunately, he stayed on the ceiling. James froze. "Why is he still in the air?" he asked.

Sirius blinked. "He should be on the group."

"Well he's not." James replied.

"Um, a little help?" the boy asked, starting to panic.

"Wingarduim Leviosa!" Sirius called again.

The boy fell to the floor at a ridiculously high speed. He cried out, looking at his pants. "My Chocolate Frog!"

Sirius sighed. "Oh good. You didn't bow up."

"BLOW UP?!?!" the boy asked.

"Well, that's what happened to Mr. Fluffy." Sirius answered, motioning at the stuffing.

James let out a laugh. "So **that's** where the stuffing came from."

The boy stood up. "Thank you." He wheezed at Sirius. "By the way, I'm Peter Pettigrew."

"James Potter."

"Sirius Black."

"Well, I guess we've officially bonded?" James asked.

"I guess so. I don't think I'll ever forget today." Sirius answered and sat down again.

"Do you want my teddy bear, Sirius?" Peter offered sincerely. "I'm willing to share."

Sirius stared at Peter dumbfounded. "No, that'd okay. I got it from my cousin, Narcissa. I don't like her very much."

"Isn't she that good-looking blonde one?" James asked, grinning.

Sirius spun around. "There's nothing good-looking about most of the Black family."

Peter nodded. "Some of them are scary. Like that Bellatrix woman."

"I try to pretend I'm not related to them." Sirius answered. "Please, can we change the subject?"

"Sure" James responded. "Are you three interested in Quidditch?"

"I can't play it if my life depended on it." Peter answered. "But I've been to several Quidditch Cups."

"What did you think about Ireland and Canada playing in the Cup last year?" Sirius asked.

James hit the table. "Ireland **flattened** them! I think O'Grady is the best Seeker they've had yet."

"Remember when they had Nava? He was TERRIBLE." Sirius commented.

"I agree. O'Grady is an excellent Seeker. But what about Olsen from the American team? She's superb!"

"Yes, one of the best female Seekers out there." Peter added. "Do you know how to play Quidditch?" he asked James.

"I play Chaser usually, but I'm not any good." Sirius laughed.

"I play any position I can, and I can't wait until tryouts!"

"James, they only take 2nd years and older for House teams." Peter said.

James looked put off. "Well, do they have a Quidditch Cup for first years?"

"I don't know. I just heard some first years complaining. They looked like Slytherins." Peter replied.

James and Sirius both made faces at the thought of Slytherins. If they were placed in Slytherin, they'd leave.

"Well, it's not as bad as Hufflepuff, is it?" Peter asked.

"I'm sure it's much worse. Hufflepuffs are just Muggle lovers and tree huggers." Sirius replied. "Ravenclaw doesn't sound too bad and Griffindor sounds great!"

"I don't think I'm cut out to be in any house but Hufflepuff. I'm not brave, I'm not smart, and I'm not evil." Peter said.

James and Sirius laughed. "Well, we'll just have to roll the dice." Sirius replied.

Someone knocked on the door. A pale, greasy haired kid walked in. He had a sad face and hollow eyes. Quite the unhealthy child. "Someone sent me in to collect either the Merlin Gold or Peter Pettigrew's head." He said in a low voice.

Sirius stood up. "Don't think it'll work that way-hey aren't you that Snape kid?"

The boy froze. "Yes." He said sourly. "But the Daily Prophet tells a lot of lies."

Sirius smiled. "Yes, they do. I remember when they described me as a 'child spawned from hell'. My brother and I look so much alike, I guess they got the wrong names."

James held a look of disgust on his face. "Snape, wasn't your dad killed by Aurors?"

"No." Snape snarled. "He was killed by werewolves sent by the Ministry."

"To collect tax money, right?" James asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Look, I don't want to do anything about this right now. Some Ravenclaws promised me 10 Galleons if I retrieved a Chocolate Frog in this room."

"You'll never get me!" Peter squeaked from behind Sirius.

"Look, Peter, just give him the card." Sirius sighed.

"How about I don't?" Peter asked. "How do you know he won't take it himself?"

"Who cares? He'll get his ass kicked at that looks like fun to me." James said, trying to get a response from Snape.

Snape sighed. "Really, it isn't worth your face to insult me."

"I'd like to see you try."

"Accio." Snape said, and James' wand shot out of his hand. "Now leave me alone."

"Wingardium Leviosa!" cried Sirius, performing the only spell he knew. After saying the spell, he knew it had gone wrong.

Snape's robes fell off. He turned beet red, and stabbed the air with his wand. Sirius felt as if he had been punched. He couldn't speak, but James yelled, "Give me back my wand!"

"Then don't mess with me." He said, pulled up his robes, dropped James' wand, and began to walk away. He then stopped, and said, "This isn't over." And slammed the door.

"Sweet Jesus Christ he nearly killed me." Peter breathed.

James laughed and turned to Sirius. "Are you alright?"

Sirius nodded. "I'm fine."

"What. A. Bastard." James commented. "I want nothing more than to curse his privates off."

Sirius nodded and said, "Sounds like fun."

"I guess we'd better change." Peter said.

"Yeah, you're right." James answered and took off his shirt.

Sirius and Peter glanced and each other uneasily and then did the same.

Just as they were pulling off their jeans, each facing a wall so as not to see the other's naked bodies, a sandy-haired boy walked in. He turned beet red and stood there, dumbfounded.

"Can you at least close the door?" Sirius asked quickly, pulling on his black pants.

The boy shut the door, still the color of a stoplight. "I am so sorry." He apologized. "Some Ravenclaws just told me to tell Peter Pettigrew that he was dead. Is he in here?"

"Yes!" Peter said. "But I'm in hiding, so if you could fail to mention that, it'd mean a lot to me."

The boy blinked. "What do you want me to say? That you hopped of the train and a new Peter Pettigrew got on and has no idea about any of the aforementioned?"

"If it works. What does 'aforementioned' mean?"

James buttoned up his robes. "I'm James Potter. Who might you be?"

"Remus Lupin." He answered. He turned on Sirius. "And you?"

Both boys stared at each other a little longer than they should have. "I'm Sirius Black." He replied.

"Sirius, like the Dog Star?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, like the star." Sirius answered. "But I'd rather be Sirius than Dog, you know?"

The boys all laughed.

"I can't believe that all of the things we've been through, we'd just all hate each other." Sirius confessed to Peter.

Peter nodded. "Now, I need some time to comprehend this fact. You had sex with **Snape**?"

"He's not all that bad, really." Sirius replied.

"You mean you've had man sex before?" Peter exclaimed in shock.

"NO. I mean, Severus isn't such a bad person. Well, he's not as bad as the rest of his family and I can relate to him. I've got the entire Black Family Heritage hating me." Sirius answered.

"I guess I could understand the bondage – er- relationship between you and Snape, but I just don't understand it." Peter said.

"Neither do I. I can't believe how horrible I was to Remus just now. But some of the things he said…" Sirius trailed off.

Peter nodded. "Yeah. I know what you mean. But that doesn't mean you two should hate each other. Can't you just make up? You don't have to kiss…yet." Peter added with a smile.

"I wonder how James is taking all of this." Sirius wondered aloud.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"When did you discover that you were gay?"  
Sirius sighed. "I think it was that all of the girls I've dated just were never right. I've never been interested in any of them. So it just came over me last year when I started talking to Severus. We've had incredibly deep conversations and guys…I guess I can relate to them better."

"Yeah but girls are more fun…" Peter trailed off.

"I'm gay. Girls are fun to talk to, but Sasha raping me was the last straw."

"Remember when life was easy?" Peter asked.

"No. Remember when I blew up my teddy bear for the second time?"

Peter sniffled. "No the second time it was the teddy bear **I** lent you."

"Oh yeah."

~End of Chapter 6~

I still remember the world  
From the eyes of a child  
Slowly those feelings  
Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone?  
An uneven trade for the real world  
Oh I... I want to go back to  
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun  
Always warm on my back  
Somehow it seems colder now

Where has my heart gone?  
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger  
Oh I... I want to go back to  
Believing in everything

Iesu, Rex admirabilis  
Et triumphator nobilis,  
Dulcedo ineffabilis,  
Totus desiderabilis.

I still remember.

N/A: This was probably the most I've ever written in a single sitting. That chapter came out rather easily (but keep your eye out, I might add one more section to this chapter…) Next chapter? Not so easy. We've got some Remus and James development coming. Prepare yourselves.


	7. Where Will You Go?

Chapter 7: Where Will You Go?

N/A: Thanks for the review, **did you say lightswitch**! I worked really hard to make Peter a decent person in this fic. As soon as I'm done with this, I'm going to type up _Peter's Story_, so definitely check that out. Peter is an extremely likeable person in this chapter as well.

Quick disclaimer: While writing this, I kind of used Voldemort as a catalyst, as well as a symbol of greed. Why might he enjoy dabbling in teenage drama? First of all, I tried to imagine him in the beginning…perhaps a little more manipulative in terms of getting people on his side. Secondly, he's Lord Voldemort. He can do whatever the fuck he wants.

ON WITH THE FIC!

* * *

After that night, everything was different. Sirius and Remus were no longer on speaking terms and James and Peter seemed a bit distant from each other. Sirius had been talking to Peter more and was closer to him as opposed to James. Everyone knew the reason behind that: Severus.

James immediately had walked up to Sirius and said, "Please tell me this isn't true."

"I don't want to lie anymore." Sirius replied.

James was silent, and after that, their friendship seemed to darken. James began talking to Remus more and became more focused on his relationship with Lily. Sirius couldn't help but think there was something strange in their relationship, something seemed very insincere about it, but Sirius couldn't put a finger on it.

Peter really began to open up to Sirius, and he quickly learned that there was so much more to this boy than what he had slowly gathered in the past five years. The crying Sirius used to hear at night was Peter. He was incredibly insecure and had very low self esteem. He constantly worried if today would be his last.

"Why do you think you'll die, Pete?" Sirius always asked.

The response was the same every time. "I just do. I'm going to die with no one who loves me. Not even you, Sirius." He said sadly.

Sirius looked sad. "Peter, you've been such a great help to me this past month. I'd never imagine myself without a good friend like you."

Peter looked down. "You don't mean that."

"Of course I do!" Sirius replied.

So they continued talking and learning more about each other, but Sirius couldn't figure out why he felt as if Peter was holding something back. He'd glance at Peter sometimes and he'd notice a look of exhaustion, as if something had been draining his energy. At times, he disappeared, but Sirius did too, and neither of them asked the other about it.

Sirius turned into "Orion" every few days to see Severus. In human form, they couldn't look each other in the eye. No more fights were in the hallways, no more drawings of Severus falling off his broomstick taped to the walls. The students figured that James was doing all of this for Lily; they knew how much she hated it when James cursed Severus.

Severus had grown incredibly attached to Orion. Sirius learned that Severus was now going to Death Eater meetings, and piles of people were coming from around the world to join this Voldemort man. Severus only mentioned a few names, including Bellatrix and Regulus. He had told Orion about Sirius and his feelings for him. Sirius had half the mind to change into his human form right then and there.

But he couldn't. It would cause devastation and much embarrassment to the both of them. Sirius remembered at how Severus had described the night they had sex. "It was perfect." Severus had said. "And then, it fell down faster than you could say, 'I love you.' We screwed ourselves over,a nd now we can't even look at each other."

Sirius refused to pursue anything with Severus, because of Remus; to prove to him that he wasn't the horny little prat Remus thought he was. But Remus wouldn't pursue anything with Sirius, because he wanted Sirius to make the first move.

So all three boys were stubborn.

* * *

"Attention Hogwarts students" Dumbledore said, clapping his hands several times. "This upcoming Easter holiday, we will be having a ball."

There was a murmur from the crowd and a few giggles from the girls. A few boys looked uncertainly at each other.

Dumbledore waited until everyone was silent. "The ball will be open to fourth years and above. However, if a younger student wishes to attend, they must find a partner that meets the age requirements. First through third years will have free time, but will be required to stay within limits on Hogwarts grounds."

Sirius looked at Peter in shock. "Not a ball." He groaned.

Peter smiled. "At least we know you'll get a date."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, hopeful that he knew something about Remus.

Peter glanced at a group of Ravenclaws giggling at Sirius. Sirius glanced at them, turned back to Peter, and said, "Um hello? I'm gay."

Peter's face fell. "Oh yeah. Well, you could ask Remus." He said slowly, glancing at Sirius.

"He'd say no." Sirius answered.

"And how do you know that?"

"I just do."

Just then, a fifth year Hufflepuff girl named LeAnne Brown walked up to them. "Hey Peter, do you – erm – want to go to the ball with me?"

Peter grinned. "Sure. Aren't you in Chess Club?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I am. I've seen you there several times. Where have you been?"

"Around." He replied quickly.

"Well, do you want to go to the library with me now?"

"Sure! Sirius, are you okay with me leaving?" Peter asked.

"Go ahead, Peter. It isn't everyday you get a girl." Sirius replied.

"Okay, see you later!" Peter jumped up and they began walking out of the Great Hall, receiving various glances from other students.

Sirius sat alone, buttering his mashed potatoes, when someone sat next to him.

"Hullo stranger." James said.

"Hey." Sirius replied. "Are you okay?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing. You look like Christmas got canceled."

"No…I don't care about Christmas anymore."

"He misses you." James said quickly. "And so do I."

Sirius looked down guiltily. "Why doesn't he tell me then?"

"The same reason you don't tell him. You're both being stupid prats. Its one thing if you have another person in your life and don't want to talk to him, but quite another if you refuse to talk to either boy." James answered.

"It's harder than that." Sirius said defensively.

"Look, he misses you and you miss him. If you're not feeling up Snivellus, then why are you ignoring us?"

Sirius turned bright red. "Because – because – it's too difficult. How can I face either of them? I'm so ashamed and I don't know what I want."

"Look Padfoot, we're the Marauders. No one else can ever come close to our friendship. Are you willing to kill that friendship for a stinking Slytherin?"

"It's a lot more than that." Sirius replied.

"Enlighten me."

"Well, Remus was horrible to Severus-" Sirius started.

"Has Remus done anything bad besides hurting your precious Snape?"

"It's hard to explain, Prongs."

"No, its not. You're scared. Sirius, I'm not really mad at you, but please don't do this! Stop being a prat and talk to Remus. You don't have to shag or anything, just be friends again!" James said.

"How can we do that? I can't even look at him." Sirius admitted.

James smiled. "You'll figure it out. So are we friends again?"

"Always." Sirius replied. "So how have you and Lily been?"

James' face fell. "Well, we knew about the ball a week ago. So we decided to tell everyone that we're breaking up then."

"Why?" Sirius asked, shocked.

He sighed. "I wasn't the same James she wanted to be with."

"I hate girls." Sirius replied.

"Well that's apparent." James said smiling.

* * *

"Orion, I really don't understand why I just can't bring myself to talk to Sirius. I think this is the perfect opportunity to be friends – or possibly more. But every time I look at him, I can hardly even speak. What can I do?" Severus asked, burying his hands into his face. "I've fucked up so much already, how do I know it won't fuck up anymore? Look at what I've done, Orion. I've given my heart to Sirius. I'd give him everything else, but most of it has been promised to Lord Voldemort."

Orion barked sympathetically. Severus smiled. "At least I've got one friend here." He pat his head softly.

The door opened. It was Bellatrix. "Sev, the Dark Lord requests our presence in 3 hours. Keep track of time and don't love on that dog too much."

Severus made a face. "Thanks for telling me."

She closed the door. Severus turned to Orion and smiled. "See what I have to go through every day? I just wish for one day, I could be free of that whore."

Orion put his head in Severus' lap and looked up at him pathetically. Severus put his head on his pillow and closed his eyes. "I'm just so tired. Why am I always so tired?"

And eventually, he dozed off.

This was Sirius' time to act. He transformed back into himself, slipped on one of Severus' robes, and sat next to Severus.

"Hey, wake up." He said, gently touching Severus' face.

He opened his eyes. "S-Sirius?"

"Shhhh….this is just a dream. But I need to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Severus, I won't be coming back. I haven't been able to look you in the face for a long time. But I'm trying right now, and that deserves some points, right? I won't deny that every time I see you, I want to kiss you and tell you how much I love-" he broke off. "But Severus, we can't do that. There's no way either of us could be understood. No one would. And I don't want to see you outcasted or killed by the Death Eaters."

"How did you-?"

"I have my ways." Sirius answered. "But I can't be with you. You're untouchable, and even if I could touch you…I couldn't bear the humiliation we would receive. Severus, always remember my love for you, even when it seems as if I could care less." Sirius stood up.

"Don't go." Severus said.

"What do you want me to do? Stare at you and watch you torment me?" He asked.

"Just stay here." He begged.

Sirius sat down again and said, "Orion won't be coming around anymore."

"Are you Orion?" Severus asked.

"What do you think?" Sirius leaned over him. "Remember me with this kiss." He whispered.

And they kissed gently. Both boys wanted more, but fate has a cruel way of working and Sirius had to pull away.

"Sirius, don't leave me." Severus begged.

Sirius bit his lip to keep from crying. "I have to. Goodnight. Keep sleeping and have good dreams."

With that, he stood up and walked away, leaving Severus to turn around and fall back asleep.

* * *

On the other hand, Sirius could not. All he could hear was Severus' voice calling his name. He wished he could hear it over and over again. "Get out of my head." He said to himself. "I said, goodbye, because I had to. This means you should be out of my head."

He rolled over and stared at Remus' sleeping body. If he could just reach out…

"Hello Sirius." Said a voice…on his bed!

Sirius tried to scream, but found his voice was gone.

"I'm sure you've heard of me. I am Lord Voldemort."

Sirius nodded. Voldemort smiled. Now that we've got our names straight, I should really tell you what I'm doing on your bed in the middle of the night."

Sirius was now able to speak. "I don't want any part in your plan."

Voldemort looked slightly discouraged. "I'm sure Mr. Snape has told you all about me and I'm positive you know that Bellatrix and Regulus have joined up with me. It might be nice to see more family action in here."

"Never." Sirius spat.

"Well then. I guess that about sums up my pitch. Oh well." He dismissed. "Now, the real reason I came here. Do you realize you've put me in a difficult place, Mr. Black? To the point of having to make an important decision?"

"Decision?" Sirius repeated.

"Of course. You've captured the heart of one of my servants. And now I'm contemplating what I should do."

"Well, what are your options?" Sirius asked, extremely confused why Voldemort was sharing his thoughts with him.

Voldemort laughed. "No, dear boy. You've mistaken me. The question is, what are your options?"

"What do you mean?"

"Silly boy…I thought you were smarter than that. I can't have a heartbroken servant. It's too human. So I'm leaving you a choice. You can join up with us, or I can kill one of you two. The third option is that I erase everyone's minds of anything everything regarding your escapades. You would be free to love Mr. Lupin all you want."

"Does this mean I would forget too?" Sirius asked.

"You think I'd make things that easily?" Voldemort shook his head. "You will remember **everything**. I will make sure you remember it."

Sirius winced. He definitely didn't want anyone dead and there was no way he would ever join the Death Eaters. "So I have to remember everything. Any other catches?"

"Smart boy. You would be required to act as if nothing every happened between you and Mr. Snape."

"Would I be allowed to send him dreams?" Sirius asked.

"If you want him that badly, but I think you'll enjoy being free of an angsty teenager."

"Will I?" Sirius asked. "What if I'm wrong?"

Voldemort looked at Sirius and laughed. "Then you're wrong." He shrugged. "Does it look like I care about what happens? As long as he has no memory of it, it makes no difference to me."

"Okay. Do it. Make them forget everything."

"There's one more rule though. You can NEVER be intimate with Snape ever again. Not even a kiss. Otherwise, both boys will get their memories back…and learn what a weasel you are."

Sirius took a deep breath. "Do it."

"As you wish. Obliviate!" he said, and light shot out of Voldemort's wand from all directions. He then Disapparated.

Sirius frowned. You couldn't Apparate or Diapparate on Hogwarts grounds.

Oh well. He was gone and now, he could be with Remus.

You're too important for anyone  
There's something wrong with everything you see  
But I...I know who you really are  
You're the one who cries when you're alone

Where will you go  
With no one left to save you from yourself  
You can't escape  
You don't want to escape

How ever did you manage to push away  
From every living thing you come across  
So afraid that anyone will hate you  
You pretend you hated them first

Where will you go  
With no one left to save you from yourself  
You can't escape the truth  
I realize you're afraid  
But you can't refrain from everything  
You can't escape  
You can't escape

I'm so sick of speaking words that no one understands  
Is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life all alone  
I can hear you when you whisper  
But you can't even hear me screaming

And where will you go  
With no one left to save you from yourself  
You can't escape the truth  
I realize you're afraid  
But you can't reject the whole world  
You can't escape  
You won't escape  
You can't escape  
You don't want to escape

~End of Chapter 7~

N/A: Sirius didn't sound like too much of a prat, did he? I massively edited this chapter to make him sound better.


	8. Anywhere

Chapter 8: Anywhere

N/A: I've got four more chapters to go! Holy crap, this is taking forever to type up! Hopefully, I'll be done either this week. Thanks to everyone who has added me on their author alerts list. I wouldn't mind it if you guys reviewed though! I enjoy feedback, minus the "OMG you fucking suck" kind!

Typing up this fic has really made me nostalgic for fanfiction. Expect more from me…especially some good slash.

ON WITH THE FIC!

* * *

Sirius woke up grinning. He turned to Remus, who was standing up, and said, "Hey Moony."

Remus threw him a disgusted look and walked away. Sirius blinked. What happened? Didn't the spell work?

Severus still was sneaking glances at Sirius, trying to catch him looking up at him. But Sirius was smarter than that. He knew he couldn't do anything to mess up the spell, even though Sirius wasn't sure it worked.

James and Sirius were best friends again, but he kept asking Sirius when he would ask Remus to the Ball.

"I'm not asking him to the ball." Sirius time and time again replied. "It's too typical. I want to surprise him."

"So are you over Grease Face?" James asked, clearly trying to be as nice about it as possible.

Sirius didn't answer at first, but then said, "I don't know. Sometimes I think I am, other times I realize I'm not." He smiled. "I just don't know."

James shook his head. "I don't understand you, Sirius. Why **him** of all people?"

"It just happened. I can't control my feelings." Sirius answered almost harshly.

* * *

The month passed by quickly. The Ball was that day. Sirius had agreed to go with a girl named Patricia Carpenter, but only so James would stop nagging him. Patricia was a seventh year Griffindor, and very attractive. She had dark brown hair and green eyes, and a fantastic body. James smiled in envy at Sirius' choice of a date. "How did you get one of the most attractive girls at school and be GAY?" James sake, shaking his head in amazement.

Sirius just laughed. "My daring sense of charm and my ability to understand them, I suppose."

Peter walked up to them. He and LeAnne were now dating, and one of the most gossiped about in the school. "Hey guys!" he said, smiling at them.

"Where's LeAnne?" Sirius said with a huge grin.

Peter's face fell. "I don't know. I was going to go look for her, but then I saw you and decided to say hi…and ask Padfoot about Patricia."

James grinned. "Slut boy strikes again."

"Why didn't you ask one of 'the two'?" Peter asked.

"Well, Bachelorette #1 decided to ignore me and Bachelorette #2 can't even look me in the face. Hell, he hasn't even tried to curse me." Sirius responded.

"Now that's true love right there." Peter commented.

"Maybe he's just being stubborn." James answered.

"That too." Peter agreed. "So did you guys do your Transfiguration homework?"

Sirius opened up his bag and gave Peter a piece of parchment. "Knock yourself out."

"Thanks Padfoot!" Peter said, grinning.

"Jesus Christ Padfoot! The ball is in 5 hours!" James exclaimed.

"Why are you so excited?" Sirius and Peter asked in unison.

He grinned. "All of the girls are in their dorms getting ready. You know what that means?"

Peter laughed. "You Peeping Tom." He muttered. "Who cares about that?"

"LeAnne Brown…**naked**." James said with a giant grin on his face.

Peter stood up. "Where are they?" he asked desperately.

Sirius laughed. "You think an guys are taking five hours to get ready?"

Peter looked at Sirius. "Oh James, what about Sirius? He doesn't have anyone to look at."

James' face fell. "Oh yeah…well, it could put you in a straight mind. You know, because Patricia WILL kiss you tonight."

Sirius looked disgusted and then sighed. "Guess I'll follow you two."

"To the prefect's bathroom!" James roared and they trampled off.

* * *

_While the author will not portray James, Sirius, and Peter as perverts, it can safely be assumed that their mission was completed and we will skip four hours where the boys are now taking their showers and getting ready._

_

* * *

  
_

"Sirius, pass the deodorant, will you?" Peter asked.

Sirius threw him the bottle, and then opened up his closet. He picked up a midnight blue dress robe, completely made of silk. It was slightly feminine, but fit him well and gave him a royal look.

James was slipping on a nice black robe with a tie in the front, and Peter wore a dark green robe.

"Peter, have you been losing weight?" James asked.

"Yeah, I have." Peter said. "I'm trying to get LeAnne to stay happy. She wants me to keep thin…and, well, maybe then…" he grinned evilly.

James slugged Peter in the arm. "Good job!"

Sirius laughed and began to mousse his hair. As he fixed it, he saw the bathroom door open as Remus came out.

He looked great in white. He wore a bleach white robe tied at the hip. His hair was down, nice and long and neat. He had done something to his face to make it look as if he was shining.

Sirius stared a little longer than he should have, but quickly spun away when Remus turned to him.

James and Peter exchanged quick smirks, but then turned around and walked out of the room.

It had been a while since they had been alone and this close. They glanced uneasily at each other and Sirius continued trying to fix his hair. Unfortunately, his heart was pounding and hands were shaking, so it made it quite difficult.

"Where are my flowers?" Sirius wondered aloud.

Remus held up a bouquet. "Are these yours?" he asked, making sure not to look at him.

"Yeah." Sirius answered and quickly took the bouquet.

Remus gave him a slight smile. "Patricia Carpenter?"

"Why not?" he answered uneasily.

Remus shrugged and walked to the door. "Hope you have fun at the Ball."

Sirius nodded and Remus left. Sirius promptly decided that banging his head on the desk sounded like a good idea. Then he too walked out into the Great Hall.

He met Patricia outside of the entrance. She wore sky blue robes that showed maybe a little bit more cleavage than it should have. Sirius presented her with the bouquet and she smiled. "I'm glad you decided to come with me."

Sirius gave her a dazzling smile. "I hope you have fun."

The entered the Great Hall. Much to Sirius' dismay, the Salem Witches were playing rather than the British Harpies. Oh well. It wasn't like he would remember this for the rest of his life. It was just a Ball after all.

"Do you want to dance?" Sirius asked politely.

Patricia grabbed his hands and dragged him to the floor. "Thought you'd never ask." She answered.

They danced for three songs, Sirius staring at Remus and his date, a 6th year Ravenclaw named Agnes the entire time. Meanwhile, James stared at Sirius, mostly giving him an encouraging look as he danced with Lily. Peter was in heaven and took no notice of anything but LeAnne.

Dinner started, and Patricia and Sirius sat down next to James and Lily, Peter and LeAnne, and Remus and Agnes. The four girls began to chat animatedly. Peter grinned at the three boys. "I call the boy's dorm after the Ball."

James' eyes popped out. "Oh really? Where do the rest of us go?"

"Good question." Peter responded. "But you will help me out, right?" he asked, close to begging.

"'Course Wormtail. This'll be your first time to get yourself a girl, and I won't let anything screw that up. Right, James?" Sirius asked.

Peter smiled. "Good. Now, James, about Lily…"

James shook his head. "After the last dance, it's over."

"It's not over until you get laid. Or at least a good snog." Sirius replied.

"Why did she choose the Ball of all times to break up, and then wait until the end to call it officially over?"

"God, I hate girls." Sirius announced.

Peter and James smirked. Remus seemed to not in agreement, but then caught himself and said, "Then, why are you on a date with one?"

"Speak for yourself." Sirius answered.

Remus was silent and James laughed a fake laugh. "Well, um, I guess we want to eat?" he asked.

Peter nodded and picked up his menu. "I'll have the number three." He said elegantly to his menu, and a salad appeared.

"A salad on the night you get laid?" James asked.

"Well, yeah. That would mean I look thinner." Peter answered, shoveling some lettuce into his mouth.

"Oh my gosh, look at his date!" James exclaimed and stood up quickly. Peter looked over at where James was staring and dropped his fork. Remus ignored it, but as Sirius turned to glance over at what James and Peer were gaping at, James quickly walked n front of him.

"James, please move." Sirius said calmly.

Peter bit his lip. "Sirius, it isn't good."

James nodded and took two steps to the side. Sirius immediately knew what they were starting at. How could he possibly miss it?

Severus was in the corner, making out with and groping a girl with long brown hair. It was Bellatrix Black.

"Oh my god." Sirius breathed. Was this what it would have felt like if Voldemort's visit was real and not a dream (at least, that's what he figured it had to be)? Would he have to endure that punch in the stomach every time he saw Severus?

Remus was extremely silent, but then muttered, "That slut."

"You're telling me." James snarled and pulled out his wand. Peter quickly followed him. They hid behind a pillar and then followed Bellatrix and Severus outside.

LeAnne and Lily turned to Sirius. "Where'd James go?" Lily asked.

"Like you care." Sirius and Remus said in unison.

Lily's face hardened and she walked away with the other three girls. Patricia winked at Sirius as she left the table.

A familiar song began to play when Sirius and Remus finished eating in silence. "Ooh baby, you took my heart with the flick of your wand." The lead singer began.

Sirius and Remus both shifted very uncomfortably as she sang, "Ohhhh you've put a spell on me."

Sirius was then saved by Patricia, who ran up to him, and asked him for a dance. Just when Sirius answered with a yes, Remus' face went blank. He blinked several times, and then smiled up at Sirius. "Have fun." He said encouragingly.

Before Sirius could say anything, Patricia nearly dragged him to the dance floor and they began to dance.

Five dances later, Severus crashed into Sirius purposely, making him fall on Patricia. She shrieked in glee.

"Watch it, Black." Severus said nastily.

The spell had worked! Sirius thought excitedly. It just took a month or so to work!

"You watch it, Slimeball." Sirius responded instinctively.

"Don't make me curse you into a wart, especially since it looks like you might get lucky tonight." Severus shot back.

Patricia glared at Severus and took Sirius' hand. "Come on, let's go outside. We can get some air." She smiled.

Sirius followed her, almost terrified of what was about to happen next. She led him behind some tall bushes and then kissed him fully on the lips.

He tried to make a it a quick kiss, but Patricia pushed back quickly. After a minute, Sirius pulled away. Patricia frowned. "What's wrong?" She asked.

Sirius shook his head. "Nothing…I just can't do this right now."

"What do you want to do?" she whispered seductively.

"Is there any way you could go back to dancing out there for a while? I think I'm going to be sick." Sirius glanced at her.

Her face fell. "Oh. Well, yeah. Just come back, because I'll be waiting for you." And she walked back inside with a dejected look on her face.

"You know, sometimes I wonder why they all love you so much." A voice commented.

Sirius turned around and smiled. "Hey Moony."

"I almost feel as if I've missed a few months. There are just so many blank spots in my mind. I just can't understand why I haven't said anything to you before."

"About what?" Sirius smiled, knowing what was about to happen.

Remus seemed to blush. "Would you like to dance?"

Sirius nodded. "Of course."

Remus took Sirius' hand and they began to dance slowly. A slow song was playing, and Remus whispered, "I don't know why, but I really miss you. I feel like you haven't spoken to me for a while." Remus looked down.

Sirius put his forehead to Remus' forehead. "I feel that way too. And I just can't imagine why."

"You remember our talk by the lake in December?" Remus asked.

"How could I not?" Sirius answered.

"I wasn't kidding." He said. "And I can't believe we got other dates for the Ball."

Someone then yelped loudly, followed by two cries of triumph. "The Slytherin flag lives on!" someone else cried.

Remus and Sirius glanced up and they saw a human flag on top of the North Tower. Somehow, Peter and James managed to float Severus that high. Lily was screaming and James and Bellatrix was letting out a flow of curse words, which filled the air.

"Thank you Prongs." Sirius whispered.

"What are you thanking him for?" Remus asked, grinning.

"I told him I was worried that Snivellus might mess it up."

"Mess what up?"

"This." Sirius answered and passionately kissed Remus.

"I love you." Sirius whispered when they pulled away.

"I love you too." Remus replied, and they kissed again, completely unaware of the stares and attention they were receiving from half the school.

* * *

Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me  
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free  
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you  
And at sweet night, you are my own  
Take my hand

We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down  
So by the morning light  
We'll be halfway to anywhere  
Where love is more than just your name

I have dreamt of a place for you and I  
No one know who we are there  
All I want is to give my life only to you  
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore  
Let's run away, I'll take you there

Forget this life  
Come with me  
Don't look back you're safe now  
Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you

**~END OF CHAPTER 8~**

N/A: Awwwwwwwww…Okay this was a pretty corny ending. But it was cute, right?

RIGHT?

Be sure to let me know!  
~Ashii Black


	9. My Immortal

Chapter 9: My Immortal

N/A: This is my summing up for the schooling of the Marauders. There will be dialogue in the end, but be prepared for some paragraphs and random scenes somewhat relevant to the plot.

Can I do it? 3 chapters uploaded in one day? That's what I'm going for.

Wish me luck.

ON WITH THE FIC!

* * *

The news of Sirius and Remus spread like a wildfire. Homosexuality was not a huge deal in the wizarding community, but the fact that Sirius Black, voted Most Handsome in their year, was gay, was the real shocker.

Patricia was incredibly angry, for she thought that she would be Mrs. Sirius Black someday. In fact, she was so angry, she sent him a cursed hat. Remus detected the curse and instead, sent it to Severus. It was a very interesting Charms class, as it sent James into hysterics.

Peter and LeAnne stayed together very happily for the rest of the year. Peter, did, in fact, lose his virginity after the Ball. However, James walked in on them accidentally and ruined the moment for them.

Speaking of James, he and Lily ended up on a short break, but got back together at the end of the year, when James publicly apologized and bought her flowers. They have been together ever since. Sirius and Lily became pretty good friends, and she even gave him some great wardrobe tips (which had changed greatly since December).

Now, Sirius was doing great. He and Remus were a completely happy couple. They had their first official date in May, when they went to Hogsmeade. They sat in the Three Broomsticks and laughed at the people who came in and out.

Severus was becoming a full-fledged Death Eater. He had absolutely no memory of what had happened between him and Sirius, all he knew was that there were gaping holes in his mind and he couldn't seem to find any explanations behind them. But he continued serving Voldemort, and as he became more and more well-known, they had to do more and more illegal things. The first time Severus used the Cruciatus Curse on someone, he felt horrible and threw up. Bellatrix later called him a pussy and he sent a hex at her.

While we're on the subject of Bellatrix and Severus, nothing ever came from that except from the loveless sex they occasionally had. If anything, it was hate sex, because they really did feel nothing for each other but contempt. Bellatrix had officialy gone insane (she kept a Voldemort shrine under her bed), but Severus had this feeling of pain and anguish in his heart, and some days, he just needed someone, even if he knew it wasn't the right person.

He sometimes got serious depression and sat in his bedroom and cried. The memory may have been gone, but the pain was still there.

And Sirius saw that. He often found himself wondering if he had made the correct decision. Should he have made Severus and everyone else forget that they had ever loved each other? Should he have flat-out lied to Remus about all of their anger in the past months? Shouldn't he have just done this himself, without the help of Voldemort? It was all so confusing.

* * *

Summer came and went. After a major blow up fight with his parents, Sirius ran away to the Potters' house. Remus too, was staying with them, and it was over the summer when Sirius and Remus truly made love for the first time.

They all came to Hogwarts, their faces shining into a smile at the idea that this was their final year. James and Lily stayed a happy couple the entire year, as did Sirius and Remus, but something horrible happened to Peter and LeAnne.

One day in mid-November, Peter was walking along the lake, and noticed some rather unusual rustling in the bushes. He morphed into a rat and went into the bushes to see what was going on.

He smelled LeAnne, then saw her kissing another boy in her House. Peter turned back into himself, ran over to the Whomping Willow, sat down, and cried.

A hand touched his shoulder. "You remember when I told you she definitely wasn't the type of girl you'd like to date?" a man said.

Peter sniffed. "I do. But I didn't want to believe it."

The man laughed. "Wormtail…you also remember when I told you that if LeAnne betrays you, your other friends will, too?"

Peter spun around to face Voldemort. "No! Not James, Sirius, or Remus! They'd never betray me!"

"The moment they find out you're in the league with me, they'll drop you faster than a fly." He hissed.

"They'd understand." Peter answered stubbornly.

"Of course they will." Voldemort said sarcastically. "Just like they did with Remus."

Peter nodded. "Exactly. Just because Remus is a werewolf, that doesn't mean he's evil."

"And just because you torture fully grown wizards out of your own free will, that doesn't mean they'll hate you."

"Maybe you're right." Peter whimpered. "But I need your help. I'm not nearly as powerful as you are, and I want revenge."

Voldemort cackled. "I can never get over all of the pleas for help I keep getting from my servants. I'll let you in on a little secret, Wormtail: You could do it yourself and make me so much prouder."

"But-you could help me, right?"

"Of course, Wormtail. That's what I'm here for. Now, what do you want to do?"

"Make them pay." Peter said in a low voice that wasn't his.

"Now, we're going to have a slight problem. What is it you will give to me?"

"What do you want?" he asked.

"Your full allegiance to me, as well as my mark on your arm."

"Of course." Peter replied. "Your will is mine, Master."

Voldemort smiled. "Good. Then, let's get started."

* * *

Peter returned to the Griffindor Tower. Sirius and Remus were making out on the bed, but they immediately saw the look of pain on Peter's face. "Pete, are you alright?" Sirius asked.

"Oh, I'm fine." Peter answered harshly. "LeAnne is snogging other guys, but no, I'm JUST fine."

Remus' eyes popped out. "No way."

"Yes." Peter responded.

"What happened?" Remus asked.

"I just saw them kissing! I ran away! I have no idea what she's thinking!"

Sirius was silent. He was almost feeling sympathy towards LeAnne, for he had feelings for two boys and couldn't make up his mind either. LeAnne may be making a bad decision, but he could understand where she was coming from. Of course, that is, unless, she was just a little slut…which was very likely.

"Sirius, what should I do?" Peter begged.

Sirius sighed. "Peter, you didn't ask her about it or anything?"

"No, I just ran away." He responded, leaving the part out about Voldemort.

"Well, then, you're screwed." James announced as he came in. "What might be the problem, anyways?"

"LeAnne's been cheating on him." Sirius replied.

"WHAT? Where is she and the little bastard? We'll fuck him up more than Snivellus!" James exclaimed.

Peter's lower lip trembled, Remus gave him a mournful look, and Sirius stood up. "I think that Peter ought to talk with her first. It could have been a mistake."

"Unless it wasn't her, there was no mistake. I was a rat, and got a pretty good view of them." Peter answered.

"Well, there's always Karma, you know. It'll come back to her three fold. And we'll be laughing." Remus said.

Peter nodded. "Karma. That could work."

They were all silent. Then Peter spoke up. "What do you guys think of Voldemort?"

"The lowest of the low." James quickly responded. "He deserves a long and torturous death."

"And raped by giants." Sirius added. He was glad he'd never have to speak with Voldemort again.

"He's not really human. I can't believe people actually follow him." Remus chimed in.

"Oh…well, I heard a few people talking about him and I was curious about what you guys thought."

"I'd die before I join up with him." James said.

Peter frowned and tried to contemplate what he was going to do.

The next thing they knew, it was morning. It started out normally, they all went down to breakfast, a few people congratulated James on his big win in Quidditch. James kissed Lily hello and Sirius and Remus decided to go out by the lake.

LeAnne was outside by the lake too, laughing with her friends about something, when all of a sudden, her face went blank and she passed out. Shrieks were heard, and then a few people went running to go get a teacher. Sirius ran up to her and her friends and asked, "What's going on?"

The only girl who wasn't completely crazy answered, "She just passed out! I was talking to her, and then…" she sniffled.

Remus frowned. "Inervate!" he whispered, and a jet of light hit LeAnne, but nothing happened.

McGonagall came running out of the doors, and rushed over to them. "We need to get Miss Brown to the hospital wing. Black, Lupin, if you could, carry her there. I will be there shortly."

Sirius easily picked her up and Remus followed him.

Madam Pomfrey ran to them, and magicked LeAnne onto a bed. "Thank you boys. I'll take it from here."

Sirius nodded and turned to Remus. "We need to find Peter."

"Agreed." Remus replied and they set off towards where they had last seen him, which was the Great Hall.

He wasn't there because he was in his room, talking to Voldemort through a form of telepathy.

"Is she going to die?" Peter asked.

"Yes." He responded.

"Good."

"That's my boy. See, she's experiencing a rather painful death, as her organs are all slowly shutting down. No one can save her, for there is no cure for the disease I gave her."

"I hope she burns in hell."

"My boy, there is no hell. All there is…is merely life and death. And I'm glad you've chosen life."

Peter smirked. "And they've chosen death."

* * *

The next few years went by quickly. James and Lily married and had a great honeymoon. They moved into a house and began to work for the Order of the Phoenix, a top-secret anti-Voldemort group that Dumbledore helped found. Sirius, Remus, and Peter also joined, along with several other school friends and Ministry members.

Remus' relationship with Sirius was stronger than ever…until that fateful day….

"Crucio!" A Death Eater roared.

Remus howled in pain. Sirius yelled out and screamed, "Stupefy!"

They began dueling quickly, their wands becoming blurs as they fought. However, another Death Eater entered the room.

"Kill him!" the first Death Eater yelled.

The Death Eater froze. "Both of them?" he asked.

"What do you care? Kill the mice on the floor if you want!" the first replied, sending a curse at Sirius.

Remus blocked the curse and sent a spell at the first Death Eater. HE immediately passed out. "Sirius, take this one to the Headquarters. I can take this one."

"You're hurt. There's no way I'm letting you take this one." Sirius replied.

The Death Eater still seemed to be frozen, but then – "You two think you're so special, helping out Dumbledore. Where does that put you?"

"Alive and kicking." Sirius responded and sent a curse at him.

The Death Eater blocked it, and yelled, "Stupefy!" and hit Remus. Remus was thrown onto the other Death Eater, and passed out.

Sirius spun around to help Remus, and that gave the Death Eater the chance to yell, "Expelliarmus!" to disarm Sirius.

He backed Sirius into a wall. He raised his wand, but Sirius kicked out at him and he stumbled backwards. He made a grab for his wand, but the Death Eater pushed him back. Sirius punched him in the face, grabbed back both wands, and held his wand to the Death Eater's throat. "Don't – make – a – move." Sirius breathed. "You are going to hell."

"Azkaban isn't hell." He answered. "Plus, I'll just get out anyways."

"And how do you plan on doing that?" Sirius asked in disgust.

"The Dark Lord has his ways." He answered.

"You fucking psycho. Who are you, anyways?" Sirius asked, and reached for his mask.

Bad move. The Death Eater saw an opening, grabbed his own wand, and held it to Sirius' throat.

Both men were in a lose/lose position. "Drop your wand." The Death Eater said. "I'm not afraid to kill you."

"Drop yours." Sirius answered.

"No." the Death Eater said.

"Then I'm not dropping mine."

Both were silent. Then, Sirius stood up, still pointing his wand at the Death Eater. "Now who are you?"

"A noble servant of the Dark Lord." He answered.

"I was more looking for a name." Sirius said. "Stand up. And drop your goddamned wand."

To Sirius' surprise, the Death Eater did. "Now, take off your mask." He ordered.

Once again, the Death Eater did as he was told. "Hullo Black."

Sirius' eyes popped open. "Sever-Snape?"

"Yeah." He responded. "Now, I can't have anyone finding out that I actually took my mask off. I just thought you'd like to see the face of your killer."

"No, don't kill me." Sirius answered with an almost smile. "This was bound to happen, and what a more screwed up way than this."

"What was-" Severus started to ask, but Sirius threw his arms around him and kissed him.

The moment their lips touched, Severus felt memories searing through his body. At first, they were good memories and the love they had shared. However, the bad ones began to emerge, the lies, the anger. Severus pulled away in shock. "You – you-" he gasped.

"Severus – please – I'm so sorry! I've been haunted with this for the past four years. I've loved Remus, but I – I love you more." He whispered with the biggest puppy dog eyes any one could ever muster.

"Oh God." Severus gasped and turned around, trying to fight his shock. "You expect me to turn around and love you?"

"You did before!" Sirius yelled. "I've never loved someone like I did you! You were the first person I had ever had sex with! And Severus, I love you! Yes, I'll say it to the world! I say it to anything! I love you!!"

"What do you expect me to do, Sirius?" Severus roared. "There is no way I could leave the Death Eaters to be with you! And what would everyone think?"

Sirius' face crinkled. "I don't care!"

"Well, I do. Sirius, you don't have any idea what He would do if He knew we were – well – you know-"

"He has to know already. He came to me and suggested it. Now that the spell is broken, he's bound to know that I disobeyed the rule and touched your mouth." Sirius responded.

"Oh that's great. And that means I'm done for."

"Not if you pretend to hate us still and turn spy for us." Sirius proposed.

"Well, gee, that's an idea. Why don't I go out and buy a funeral casket while I'm at it?" Severus asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

They were silent. Severus breathed a deep breath, and said, "Just go. I won't tell anyone what happened."

Sirius turned to pick Remus up. As he walked across the room, Severus said, "Wait."

Both men ran to each other and kissed a kiss that Sirius had never even dreamed of before.

* * *

I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along

~End of Chapter 9~

N/A: Yeah, that was angsty and sappy and strange all in one chapter. But I thought it went well. What do you think?

We've got two more chapters! Can I finish this fic AND take 6 tests?

Only time can tell, folks.

Just you wait…ya'll are gonna HATE Remus.

REVIEW PLEASE!

~Ashii Black


	10. Origin

Chapter 10: Origin

N/A: I'd like to thank Chrissy for beta-ing this fic. You've said some pretty harsh things about it, which I believe has made it better. Hope you like this chapter!

NATWEST, Thanks for reading! I love it when people enjoy reading what I've written. I hope you like these next two chapters!

* * *

"Hey Remus." Sirius said casually as he walked into the bedroom that they shared. Remus was sitting on the bed, reading a magazine.

He looked up and smiled. "Hey. You left so suddenly when you brought me back."

Sirius gave a slight grin. "I was just in a hurry. I needed to get to Diagon Alley." He held up some bags.

Remus smiled back at him. "James and Lily brought Harry here today."

Sirius laughed. "Really?"

"Really. You can go see them if you want."

"Actually, I think I'll stay here." Sirius answered.

Remus scooted over and patted the space he had made, motioning for him to sit down. Sirius did and turned to him.

Remus was smiling, and all of a sudden, Sirius felt something hit his face with full force. "Remus?"

Remus slapped him again. His face held a look of disgust. "You bastard."

"Remus – I – what are you talking about?"

He laughed harshly and slapped Sirius again. "You could you? You told me you hadn't had sex! You lied to me! You erased my memory!"

"Remus – I can't explain –"

"No, you can't! I had blank spots in my mind because of you! You heartless creep! I thought you loved me!

"I do!" Sirius roared. "I do, Remus!"

"But you love Snape more, right? That's what you told him." Remus yelled back. "I heard it all! I saw you kiss him in a way you've never kissed me! I can't compete!"

"Remus, I swear, I'll never go back to him! I swore it before – "

"And you broke that promise, didn't you?"

"It's not like that! It's not like I wanted to –"

"Quit lying! All of your memories came to me this afternoon! I saw what he did, I saw what you wanted! Even when you weren't talking to him, you turned into a dog to get his hugs! Would you ever do that for me? Did you ever do that for me?"

Remus paused and answered his own question. "No. You didn't. I gave so much to you, but you ignored it! Why, Sirius, why?" he asked, tears in his eyes.

"Please, Remus, please!" Sirius got on his knees and took Remus' hand. Remus dropped his hand disgustedly and walked to the other side of the bed.

"No, not this time. I was stupid to want you back. I have never wanted anyone more than I've wanted you. I have up so much to be with you."

"What did you give up?" Sirius demanded.

"My pride and dignity." Remus answered so coldly, Sirius got goosebumps.

"Remus, I'm nothing without you." Sirius looked down sadly.

"Are you? Without me, there's no one stopping you from getting in bed with your precious Death Eater."

"Don't call him that!" Sirius roared.

"Yeah, well, the truth hurts." Remus answered. "Welcome to the real world, Sirius. I hope you like it without me." He said and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Remus, are you alright?" James asked, standing up as he saw Remus storming downstairs.

Remus shot him a sharp glance, pulled his jacket out, opened the door, and said, "If you follow me, I will be forced to hurt you. I'm sure Sirius will be perfectly willing to explain what is going on." and then he slammed that door, causing Harry to start crying.

"Lily, can you help Harry? I'm going to talk to Sirius." James said. Lily nodded, and James ran up stairs, to Sirius' room.

Sirius was lying on the bed, staring at a photo of him and Remus at Christmas.

"Sirius?" James asked.

"Sirius spun around. "Oh, hey Prongs."

"What happened with Remus?"

Sirius gave him a confused look. "You don't know? I told you about it years ago!"

"You're talking to me, James Potter. Remember when you told me it was me and Lily's first anniversary…on that day?"

"Oh, well, you'd remember this. I wonder why the spell didn't work. It should have worn off by now." He said sadly.

"Spell? You put a spell on me?"

"Not me, exactly. And it wasn't just you. It was quite a few people." Sirius answered.

"Oh, well, what was the spell?" James asked.

"It was kind of like a Memory Charm."

"Was today the ending or something? Like a free trial?"

"No. I did something I really shouldn't have…Like a deal-breaker. The spell wore off because of it."

"Well, why'd you do that?" James asked, and cringed at his choice of words.

"It was – instinct. I saw him and I just thought, 'It's fate'. And it was bound to happen. I see that now."

"What was bound to happen?" James asked and then paused. "HIM?!"

"Yeah." He said guiltily.

"You mean to say that at school, there was another guy –"

"-And Remus found out about us –"

"-So you were angry at each other-"

"-But I still wanted Remus –"

"-So you put a spell on us to forget everything." James finished.

"Well, yeah. Do you remember everything now?" Sirius asked.

"Not a single thing. Who was the boy?"

"Um – er – I –" he stuttered.

"Oh, come on. How bad can it be? I don't judge."

"Severus Snape." Sirius answered, his eyes at his feet.

THUD. "ARE YOU CRAZY?!" James yelled. "You cheated on REMUS for SNAPE?!"

"If that's not judging, then I guess I really don't know the meaning of the word."

James blushed. 'Sorry about that. That was just a little shocking. I'm better now – WHY HIM? WHAT COULD HAVE COMPELLED YOU TO DO THAT?!"

"He's not that bad." Sirius tried to reason.

James seemed to be beyond reason. "Our worst enemy is your boyfriend?"

"Must you put it like that?"

"I'm trying to make you see the wrong in it – not to mention how incredibly ironic this is."

"Well, thanks. I've never thought about it like that before." Sirius said, and then added, "Note the dripping sarcasm."

"You choose him over Remus?" James asked. "Why?"

"Don't ask me how fate works. It doesn't know who we are. All it sees are souls. Fate is cruel. Fate hurts. Somedays, I beg whatever god there might be over us to smite me and get rid of this pain tearing into my heart. I just wish I could get rid of this pain. But I think of him and suddenly, everything is right in my world. I don't care about the pain anymore, I don't want anything but him. And he's always right there, holding my hand. I've loved others, I'll admit it, but whenever I'm with Remus in any way, I'm thinking of him. I can't get him off of my mind, James. And then, I see him for the first time in years, and we were so close, I could reach out and touch him. I softly kissed him and I could just feel our love. It was right here, in my heart." Sirius confessed.

James was speechless. "Um – well –erm –"

"I know you don't approve and you didn't before. But it doesn't matter anymore. I'm going to him now and I'll be back in the morning."

Sirius stood up to leave, but James touched his best friend's shoulders. "Sirius, while I find you may be on drugs, its okay. If you really and truly love him, then I'll look the other way and eventually find acceptance."

Sirius looked ready to kiss James, but then turned an ran downstairs. He flung open the door and left.

"I'm coming." He muttered as he walked into the rain.

* * *

Remus flung open the door to a bar. "Where is he?" he demanded to the bartender.

Everyone in the bar froze. The bartender stopped cleaning his glass and said, "State your name."

"Remus Lupin."

"And your business?"

"A spell malfunction." He answered.

"He doesn't refund for mishaps." He answered and began to turn away.

Remus slammed his hand on the counter so hard, it cracked. "LET ME TALK TO HIM!" he roared.

Sensing a problem, the people in the bar moved outside. The bartender glanced at him. 'That must be one fucked up spell."

"Will you let me speak with him or do I have to use force?"

The bartender leaned in close to Remus. "He's in Room 2. But it's not my head that's gone if he's displeased with you."

Remus nodded and walked up to room 2 and banged on the door. "OPEN UP!" he yelled.

The door opened by itself. Remus went silent and walked in.

"Oh, hello Mr. Lupin." An icy voice said. "Unhappy with your lover again?"

"You know perfectly well why I'm here. The Memory Charm has broken."

"Well, yes." Voldemort answered. "You came and asked me for help, I left it up to Mr. Black about what to do. I gave him several options and –"

"I know." Remus said, trying not to lose his cool. "The memory was given to me."

Voldemort smiled. "Why yes, I suppose it has. I must ask, why are you here? I'm enjoying a fine meal, and you interrupt me. I've killed wizards for less."

"What do I do now?" Remus asked.

There was a slight pause. "You know, it almost seems as if you want my help again."

"And what if I do?"

"Ahhh…I see what's going on…You want Sirius back, don't you?"

"No." Remus answered quickly.

"Oh, of course you do. Whenever someone wants something, directly and indirectly, there's greed. The origin of greed…is love. It's when you love something, you begin to crave it. You're no different, Remus. You're only human."

"Well, I want something else more."

"Ah. And what might that be?" Voldemort asked, knowing the answer already.

"Before I tell you, I need to see something. What is Sirius doing right now?"

Voldemort's smile widened. "Do you really want to see that?"

"Yes." Remus replied.

"Very well." He said, and drew a circle with his wand, tapped it, and an image of Sirius appeared. "Enjoy the show."

_Sirius knocked on a door. "Hello?" he asked._

_"Come in." Severus answered._

_Sirius opened the door and Severus dropped his water. "Oops." He said, and started picking up the glass._

_"Here, let me help you." Sirius offered and bent down, picking up a shard of glass. The glass cut his finger and he dropped the shard._

_"You shouldn't have tried to help. Let me see the cut." Severus said, holding out his hand._

_"It's nothing." Sirius answered, but held out his hand, eager to touch Severus again._

_Severus took it, said a spell under his breath, and instantly healed the cut. However, he didn't let go of Sirius' hand. Instead, he gently stroked Sirius' palm._

_Sirius had been looking down, but then looked up, straight into Severus' eyes. Sirius started to speak, but Severus put his mouth to Sirius' lips first._

_"Well, I was going to apologize." Sirius said after they pulled apart._

_"No need for them." Severus answered, pulled him up, and kissed him yet again, this time more needier with longing._

_The fell to the floor. Then –_

"Stop it." Remus said, tearing his eyes away from the image.

"Ohhh…poor, poor, scorned Remus. Now, what did you want again?" Voldemort asked, making the circle disappear. "I'm growing bored of these childish games."

"I want him dead." Remus aid.

"Well, you can always do that." Voldemort said.

"Yeah, okay, so I can. But I want your help."

"Sorry, no can do." Voldemort answered, enjoying the look of hatred upon Remus' face.

"So, that's it? You're not helping me?" Remus asked.

"Well, I'm not stopping you. And I haven't killed you, when I really should. I haven't killed anyone in three days."

Remus rolled his eyes. Voldemort stood up and in a blink of an eye, his hand was wrapped around Remus' throat. "Are you afraid of me?" Voldemort asked.

"I don't care if I die anymore. My entire life just fell apart. Nothing matters."

"You've got spunk, I'll tell you that. But if you don't want me to close my fingers on your neck and rip your head off, you will leave now." Voldemort said and released Remus, who began panting for breath. "He's in the Leaky Cauldron. Room 17."

Remus gave one last glance at Voldemort and walked out of the room. He left the building and headed straight to where Voldemort had told him to go.

* * *

Severus couldn't sleep. He smile softly at the sleeping body of Sirius next to him, but stood up, put on his robes, and walked to his window.

There were kids playing a child version of QUidditch. The Chaser screamed, "HEY! That was double touchies! That's 500 points to us!"

Severus smiled to himself. He remembered when he was that young, that innocent. But he was no longer that boy. He had pledged allegiance to another man. There was no turning back.

And yet, there was Sirius. He'd do anything for Sirius. He'd die for him. He'd never know why fate had chosen Sirius as his soul mate, but it did, and he was. Their love would be forever, no matter what.

The door quietly opened. "Accio!" a voice whispered, and Severus' wand flew out from his robes.

He quickly turned to see who took his wand, and gasped. "You!" he exclaimed!

"Me." Remus answered. "Shhhh, he's sleeping. You wouldn't want to wake him, would you?" he asked, glancing at Sirius.

"What do you want? And give me back my wand." Severus said.

"No." he responded. "Now, you may be wondering why I'm here." Remus began.

"Yeah, actually, I am wondering just that."

"Silencio!" Remus said, and Severus couldn't speak. "Don't interrupt me. While I realize, Mr. Snape, that I can no longer have Sirius, I honestly don't want anyone else having him." He snapped his fingers, and with a bang, cords shot out from Remus' wand, which bound and gagged Severus. He fell to the floor.

"Now, let's take a look at your qualifications. You are a loser, your mother was a prostitute before she was murdered, your father was snuffed by Aurors, you were in Slytherin, and you're up to your abnormally large nose in the dark arts. Hmmm…very interesting. What about me? I've been raised by normal parents who love me dearly, but sadly, I was bitten by a werewolf, but still the charming Remus Lupin. I shared a room with Sirius for seven years, and I was a top student. So how does Sirius go about choosing you over me?" Remus asked, completely losing his cool. He had an evil glint to his eyes, and a sort of half smile plastered on his face. "Answer me! Sonorus!" he said.

"Because I'm not insane." Severus gave a laugh.

"Please, scream all you want Severus. Do it now, because in a few minutes, you won't have a throat to scream out of." Remus responded in a tight voice.

"No, I'm not going to scream. Why? Because I'm the better one. Face it, Lupin, I won. Whose bed is it Sirius is in? Mine."

Remus picked Severus up and punched his face. The noise made Sirius wake up. Before he could say anything, Remus flicked his wand, causing Sirius to fly through the air, pushed into a closet, and blocked the door.

"No, where were we?" Remus asked.

"You're insane." Severus spat.

"I thought you'd never guess!" Remus laughed. "Now, down to business. I've got a choice for you. Death by magic…or death by this?"

Remus picked up something out of his robes. "Would I love to stick this in your gut." He muttered.

Severus froze. Remus smiled. "Cat got your tongue? Well, that won't work. Answer me! Imperio!"

"Say you want the dagger, you want the dagger, don't you?" Remus' voice asked in Severus' head.

"I want the dagger." Severus choked out.

"Very well then." He swiftly moved up to Severus and dove the dagger deep into Severus' stomach.

~END OF CHAPTER 10~

N/A: I did, in fact, make Remus completely insane…and I liked it. Once again, Remus is SUPPOSED to be crazy, Sirius is SUPPOSED to be slightly girly, and Severus is SUPPOSED to be rendered completely and utterly helpless.

Oh, and Origin doesn't have lyrics.

ON WITH THE FIC!

~Ashii Black


	11. Even in Death

Chapter 11: Even in Death

N/A: *Sob* It's the end! This is the fastest I've ever written a fic, yet the longest it's taken to type up! This fic lasted from June 7th, 2004-June 30th, 2004. Its now almost five years later, and I'm done.

This fic originally had two endings. I'm going with my favorite ending, as I believe it's pretty fucking intense.

I'd like to thank everyone who helped me out

ON WITH THE FIC!

~Ashii Black

* * *

Sirius had no idea what had happened the past two weeks, after he had broken out of the closet and discovered Severus' dead body, with a bloodstained dagger next to him.

He remembered screaming. Someone ran in to see what had happened, and he pushed them away, screaming about something else even he couldn't make out.

He remembered how he begged them not to take Severus' body away, he was telling them he was just sleeping and would wake up soon. He remembered clutching the knife and screaming at the top of his lungs. He remembered how he sat alone on Severus' bed numbly.

Sometime during those two weeks, James tried to be supportive and talk about it. However, Sirius ignored him and mourned in silence. He couldn't talk to anyone about this. No one knew him like Severus did, no one love him like he had.

Remus was no where to be found, as Sirius had searched very carefully. He was almost as much presumed dead as Severus was. He had left no trace and no information as to where he might be found.

You could say what disturbed Sirius the most was that Remus did this out of love…for him. Sirius constantly debated with himself whether he was correct in thinking that it was his fault Remus had lost his sanity. But yet, there was another piece of him that told him that Remus had always been this way.

But it didn't really help knowing this. How could he have kissed the man who killed Severus? It just didn't make sense.

And maybe it didn't have to make sense. Severus was dead and Remus was alive. Sooner or later, the mourning period would end and everything would be back to normal.

Well, minus Sirius' life. He had promised his life to Severus…and Sirius kept his promises.

It had just occurred to Sirius that he would be alone. He would never love again, and since no one could truly relate to him, he was stuck facing himself alone. Severus' death had opened up so many new portals in Sirius' mind, he hadn't really realized how complicated the human mind was.

However, Sirius could not deny that Peter had suddenly warmed up to everyone, and began talking to Sirius. This helped him recall good, old memories of them talking and having fun. Those memories helped him get through his pain.

Eventually, Sirius went into denial and believed that Severus never existed.

* * *

Now, of course, the story doesn't end there. One night, about a year after Severus' death, Sirius woke up, hearing a tapping noise at his window. He grabbed his wand and walked over to where the sound was coming from.

There stood a man with sandy brown hair. He looked very sickly and was looking at Sirius hopefully and mouthed, "Open the window."

Sirius stared at him. "Who are you?" he asked.

"You don't remember me?" the man asked.

"I don't know." He answered. "Is it okay if I come in? I'll give you my wand and everything."

Sirius paused slightly and then nodded. The man handed Sirius his was and he climbed through the window.

"Thank you." The man sad.

"Um, no problem I guess. Are you going to tell me why you came here to see me?"

"What makes you think I came to see you?" the man asked, curling his lip.

"I don't know. I just thought you did. The way you looked at me…and you asked if I remembered you. Who are you?"

"My name is Remus Lupin. Does that name ring any bells?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, not at all. Why are you here?"

"I was accused of murdering someone, and I've been in hiding. I thought I'd come and see you. But you don't know who I am?" he almost appeared hurt.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner…something happened, and the Healers at St. Mungo's tell me that I've blocked the event out of my memory." Sirius looked at him and smiled. "I wish I knew who you were. You seem like a friend. How close were we?"

Remus looked down. "Don't worry about that. So you have no idea about the name Severus Snape?"

Sirius smiled and shook his head. "My friend James tells me that I'm lucky I don't remember any of it. But I can't relate to them. They always ignore me. Well, they ignore my questions about my past."

Remus nodded. "Well, I wasn't there for it. I wonder when this happened."

"Well, I think I went into shock." He began. "And I do remember lots of screaming…and blood." He said, thinking hard. "Someone died, and I witnessed it."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Remus said, unable to say anything else.

"It's okay. I don't even remember who died. So how can I mourn?"

"How's the Order?" Remus suddenly asked.

Bad move. "Woah. Are you some kind of Death Eater?" Sirius asked.

"What do you mean? I'm a member of the Order. Or, at least I used to be."

"Get out." Sirius warned. "Get out, or I'm going to call James in here. And if you ARE an Order member, he'll know who you are."

"No." Remus said quickly. "I'll leave. But I'll be back tomorrow…with some old photographs to prove who I am."

"Fine. Get out." Sirius repeated, raising his wand.

Remus turned around and began to climb out of the window. "May I have my wand?" he asked.

Sirius nodded, and tossed it out the window. Remus let himself drop down and he ran away, Disapparating as he ran.

Sirius shook his head and went back to bed. "That was weird." He muttered.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, Sirius glanced at Peter, James, and Lily, who were all sipping their juice.

"Who's Remus Lupin?" he suddenly asked.

Juice came flying out on the table from three different directions. "Are you getting your memory back?" Peter asked anxiously.

James hit Peter. "We can't talk about that, Sirius. I thought you know that."

"I know." I was just wondering." Sirius muttered, then said, "Did we know him?"

"How did you find his name?" James asked.

"He said that we were friends." Sirius answered calmly.

"He SAID?! What do you mean?" Lily demanded.

"Something – I had a strange dream last night." Sirius lied. "A man named Remus Lupin was speaking to me. He spoke of someone named Severus Snape."

Lily dropped her glass and juice went everywhere. James ran over to her and started cleaning it up.

"That name came to you?" Peter asked. "And you still aren't getting your name back?"

Sirius shook his head. "It was a strange dream. And that Lupin person was rather weird."

"If anyone who claims to be Remus, you have my permission to stop him by any means possible and bring him to us." James said. "He's no friend of ours."

"He's a Death Eater?" Sirius pried.

"No." Peter answered. 'He used to be with us. He-"

"Peter!" Lily warned. "Don't tell him a thing."

"Don't you want me to remember?" Sirius asked, offended.

"No." James responded. "I'm glad you don't remember. Now, please, quit asking us about this. You don't realize how much this hurts us, for us to be unable to talk about it with you."

"Then talk about it!" Sirius begged.

"No." Lily said firmly. "I don't think any of us could explain everything. You blocked out everything for a reason."

"And the Healers say your memory will eventually come back." Peter added. "And it's been almost a year."

"Fine." Sirius said coldly. "I'll be in my room. I need to clean it anyways."

He stood up and walked into his room. Something new was on his bed, something that he hadn't put there.

It was a photograph. The man in the picture had oily black hair, black eyes, and greasy, pale, clammy skin. He had a sad look on his face. He turned it around. The description said, "May 5th, 1974, Hogwarts, 4th year".

Sirius blinked. He was in the same year as this boy. And he had no idea who he was.

There was a picture under it. He automatically recognized his face, waving and smiling at the camera. He was hugging another boy. It took him a few seconds, but he realized that this was a cleaner and slightly younger Remus Lupin. The inscription on the back said, "Yours Forever, -Padfoot".

"What?!" Sirius exclaimed, knowing his nickname. He dropped both pictures. "Why don't I remember you, Remus?" he asked, staring at the ceiling.

Someone knocked on the door. "Sirius? Can I come in?" It was James.

"Hold on." Sirius replied, and shoved the pictures into his dresser beside his bed. "Okay, come in."

James entered the room. "Hey Sirius."

"Hey." He answered.

"You know, I'm sorry about losing my cool down there. It's just that I thought you'd be memory free forever. And that would have been great."

"Why?" Sirius asked.

James sighed. "Sirius, you witnessed a brutal death. I know you know that much. It was a murder that shouldn't have happened. I didn't see everything, but I saw you. It was the worst moment of my life. You lost it, Sirius. Then, you started talking to Peter again. One morning, you woke up and didn't know where you were or anything about who you were. We took you to St. Mungo's and you regained most of your memory. But you had completely blocked out anything that had to do with that night, and you replaced them with your own version of what had happened. You have absolutely no idea how painful it is to see you every day like this."

"James, it was just a death. I've seen others die, including family members."

"Just a death?" James asked in a tight voice. "I can't say anymore, but it was so much more than just a death."

"Oh?" Sirius asked. "Was it really? Or am I just a stupid, sensitive idiot?"

"Stop it." James snapped. "You know damn well that's not true."

"But I'm not brave, James!" Sirius confessed. "I still get flashes of the scene. Lots of blood, and someone screaming. I think it was me. I – I remember a funeral." He suddenly said, feeling slightly dizzy.

"The next day, you lost your memory." James said. "What else do you remember?"

Sirius frowned. "Two boys. I think one was that Remus Lupin. And- I think there was another one. All three of us were in a room. I remember banging on a closet door, but I lost my voice. Then, somehow, I managed to open the door. I recall thinking that I was too late. All I remember after that was screaming and lots of people around me. James, why did this murder affect me so much?"

"It just – did. Please don't make this hard for us."

A sudden flash of memory came back to him. "James, I think I'm gay."

James smiled. "That one I can confirm to be true. Are you getting your memory back?"

"Part of it. Something about dropping a glass and kissing a man."

"Oh, well, I guess that was part of your memory. You were so quiet after the death, I don't know what happened that night."

"James, what if I lose it again?"

"What do you mean?"

"When my memory comes back? I think its coming back." Sirius was starting to get more flashes. "James, it's coming back now." He reached out for something as he fell forward and passed out.

James jumped up. "Sirius?"

There was no answer. James stood up and ran to go get Peter and Lily.

* * *

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Sirius screamed and his eyes popped open as he sat up.

Remus was sitting next to him, looking rather bored. He brightened when he saw that Sirius was awake. "Oh, good. You are awake. How was it?"

"Where am I?" Sirius demanded.

"We are at the old Snape house. This place hasn't been touched for years." Remus replied.

"How did I get here?"

"I've been hiding in your closet all day. When you fell and James left like the prat he is, I grabbed you and used the Portkey I made for the chance to speak to you again. I was hoping I'd be around when you got your memory back."

"So you'd save me the hassle of hunting you down myself?" Sirius asked harshly.

"Oh, good. You ARE angry. But what are you going to do? Kill me?" Remus laughed.

"That was the general idea, yes. YOU KILLED HIM!" he roared, standing up and facing Remus with a look that could kill.

"I killed him for you. Doesn't that mean anything? You told me you still loved me that night. You **begged** me not to leave. Don't you still love me?"

"NO." Sirius breathed. "Now give me back my wand and let me go."

"Oh, so you don't want to play?" Remus asked.

"Only if you want to." Sirius answered.

"You always did give in when I wanted a little sex." Remus sneered bitterly.

Sirius slapped Remus across the cheek with all of his might.

"Ah, the gay slap." Remus said, and took out something oddly familiar.

It was the dagger that he had used to kill Severus with.

Sirius' eyes widened and he was frozen in place. Remus leaned in closer. Sirius felt Remus' hands in his own as he passed the dagger to Sirius. Remus turned the dagger, so the blade was pointing at himself.

"Please Sirius, tell me you love me." Remus said. "I've done all of this for you. I've been in hiding for a year now, desperate to have you back."

Sirius shook his head. "I don't love you. The only man I loved was murdered by you."

Tears began to fall down Remus' face. He moved in closer to Sirius. Too close. He moved right in front of Sirius' face, and then thrust himself into the dagger. He laughed as the color drained from his face. "Sirius, you killed me. How does that make you feel? But you know you killed me long before this, don't you? Don't you?" he grunted, and let himself fall so the dagger thrust up into the rest of his stomach. By the time he hit the floor, he was dead.

Sirius stared at the blood on the dagger and his hands, and he let out a giggle. He then broke into laughter. Nothing was getting easier for him. All was lost, including his sanity.

Then, he stopped laughing. It was time to start over. It was time to go into the cemetery. But first, he had to make a stop in Knockturn Alley, where he could find what he needed.

* * *

"This is the first time I've visited you. And I'm really sorry about that. I lost my memory for an entire year. Your death just sort of shocked me." Sirius said, staring at Severus' grave.

He felt someone take his hand, and he smiled. "What do you mean by 'my death'? Since when was I dead?" the voice came from behind him.

Sirius turned to face Severus, just as he remembered him that fateful night. "They said you left me." He replied. "I told them you are still here. And they didn't believe me."

"Let them believe in whatever they want, my love. As long as you're with me, you never have to worry." Severus answered.

"You'll always be with me, right?" Sirius asked.

"I have never and will never leave you. I couldn't leave you, Sirius. We're bound by love."

"I know. But you can't stay like this for long. And I need to see you all the time, just like this."

"Shhhhh…." Severus said, putting his hands in Sirius' robes and pulling out a small vial. "That's what this is for."

Sirius took it from him. "Yes, I suppose that's why I bought it. The clerk was very polite and told me that this would make the drinker's life disappear in under a minute, with just a sip. I'll be able to see you whenever I want."

"I'd love that." Severus responded. "I watch you all the time. I've held you before. But you haven't even blinked until now."

"Because now, I can see you." Sirius closed his eyes and gently kissed Severus on the lips. When he opened his eyes, Severus was no longer there. However, all around him, he heard whispers telling him, "It is time."

He opened the bottle and drank half of it. Immediately, he felt numb. He sunk to Severus' grave and clutched it, whispering apologies to his friends.

"Real love is forever." Sirius whispered into Severus' grave. "And we have real love."

Even as Sirius was dying, he could hear laughter in the distance. He continued to hold the grave as his body slowly stopped working.

It was getting harder to breathe. As he drew what he knew would be his last breath, he heard someone with an icy cold voice say in his mind, "It's funny how love and death end up being the same. How could something so perfect and so happy equal something so sad? Sirius, taking your life only proves my theory. It is just such a simple thing. There's a six letter word that means, "first" or "beginning". But I believe there's so much more to Origin. We're just too mortal to see it."

* * *

Give me a reason to believe that you're gone  
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong  
Moonlight on the soft brown earth  
It leads me to where you lay  
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home

I will stay forever here with you  
My love  
The softly spoken words you gave me  
Even in death our love goes on

Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love  
But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love  
They don't know you can't leave me  
They don't hear you singing to me

And I can't love you, anymore than I do

People die, but real love is forever.

THE END


End file.
